I can totally relate to that. It's difficult to love people without possessiveness when their version of love requires possession. Either I get smothered under them because they hold on too tight, or they take me for granted because they assume that I'll always be there, patiently sitting in the background, with no needs of my own, and without any real sense of attachment or commitment because to them, love and attachment are all wrapped up in possession.

If I don't seek to "own" them, and they don't try to "own" me, then they don't see it as "real", as deserving of attention, as having any "serious" feelings, it's all just casual that they can take as they please without giving anything back.

It's very difficult to find other people who understand love and attachment without possession. Sometimes loving without possession is an isolating, lonely place. Where one can feel that one is pouring love into a well with no bottom and never drawing any water back up for oneself.

But loving without possession also means that I am myself even without them, because my identity is not wrapped up in being part of a "couple". My identity is apart from who they are and who we are together. That's the part that isolates and makes it easy to take for granted, but that's also the part that saves me from getting lost in someone else.