No, I don't see it, personally, but then I have very few women friends, and the ones I am friends with are about as blunt and forward as I am, as well as perfectly able to let go of a crush when the feelings aren't returned. So I don't doubt that it exists somewhere, I just don't see it in my own circles.
I know that I *have* been friends with guys who I hoped would turn into something "more" someday, but I wasn't friends with them for the purpose of trying to get that something "more". Generally speaking, it's the friendship that made me want something more in the first place, and the friendship was the valuable part.
And, in most cases where he wasn't poly, in those friendships that did turn into "something more", not only was the relationship not all I hoped it would be, but the friendships got destroyed too and they were unwilling to maintain any friendship after the breakup because, and I quote, "you're not supposed to be friends with your ex" and "my new gf wouldn't want me to be friends with my ex".
Interestingly, only those relationships that started out as friendship without any expectation of "more" on my part managed to survive a breakup and transition back into friends, several of which last to this day, including my very-monogamous high school sweetheart, whom I helped nurse a broken heart over his most recent breakup just a couple of months ago.
I'm fairly certain that these examples also had no expectations on their part, but since I can only go by what they tell me, I'm just making that assumption on face value. I have no reason not to believe them, I'm just saying that I'm taking their words on faith here. In the case of the former high school sweetheart, I do know that he had no expectations when we started as friends because he was actually opposed to a relationship with me at first based on some false rumors he'd heard about me from an ex-boyfriend.
no subject
I know that I *have* been friends with guys who I hoped would turn into something "more" someday, but I wasn't friends with them for the purpose of trying to get that something "more". Generally speaking, it's the friendship that made me want something more in the first place, and the friendship was the valuable part.
And, in most cases where he wasn't poly, in those friendships that did turn into "something more", not only was the relationship not all I hoped it would be, but the friendships got destroyed too and they were unwilling to maintain any friendship after the breakup because, and I quote, "you're not supposed to be friends with your ex" and "my new gf wouldn't want me to be friends with my ex".
Interestingly, only those relationships that started out as friendship without any expectation of "more" on my part managed to survive a breakup and transition back into friends, several of which last to this day, including my very-monogamous high school sweetheart, whom I helped nurse a broken heart over his most recent breakup just a couple of months ago.
I'm fairly certain that these examples also had no expectations on their part, but since I can only go by what they tell me, I'm just making that assumption on face value. I have no reason not to believe them, I'm just saying that I'm taking their words on faith here. In the case of the former high school sweetheart, I do know that he had no expectations when we started as friends because he was actually opposed to a relationship with me at first based on some false rumors he'd heard about me from an ex-boyfriend.