"the *reason* [polyamory] is "not for everyone" is because we are all products of our upbringing and the society in which we are raised, and only a few are able to shuck off those early assumptions and to compensate for making it to adulthood without good communication skills or good self-esteem skills (because self-esteem and security are a learned skill, just as low self-esteem and insecurity are also a learned skill - one that our society seems to prefer instilling in our youth). If we had been raised from the beginning not to revere monogamy so in the face of all evidence, I fully believe that polyamory would, indeed, be "for everyone", or at least it would be the majority state."
I fully agree with this perspective. Our society also conditions us to be codependent. Just listen to the love songs on the radio for an hour. They are all about codependency.
There is, however, as I learned in my gender studies class in college, an amount of this that is physiological. In order to perpetuate her genetic material, females will desire a single partner to create babies with and then expect them to stick around long enough to ensure that the baby reaches maturity. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that causes a female to bond with her male partner. Just something to consider as to why monogamy feels right for a large percentage of the population.
As the author of the original post, I take full responsibility that I have a negative psychological association to polyamory because of my past experiences. Yes, my issues were with the people involved. I wrote that post to give my perspective since I'm a member of the BDSM community where there are a good number of folks that identify as polyamorous. Not everyone in BDSM is poly and not everyone is comfortable with polyamory. I did not write the post to 'bash' polyamory in any way. I'm hopeful that the more healthy people in polyamorous relationships that I met, the easier it will be to disassociate.
The simple fact does remain, however, that multiple partners increases the likelihood of someone involved fucking up and when that happens multiple people are affected, not just one. I'm not saying that it means monogamy is better than polyamory, but perhaps less risky. Also, I don't believe that romantic relationships are comparable with friendships, but I felt that you response was well-articulated and creative.
Good response
I fully agree with this perspective. Our society also conditions us to be codependent. Just listen to the love songs on the radio for an hour. They are all about codependency.
There is, however, as I learned in my gender studies class in college, an amount of this that is physiological. In order to perpetuate her genetic material, females will desire a single partner to create babies with and then expect them to stick around long enough to ensure that the baby reaches maturity. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that causes a female to bond with her male partner. Just something to consider as to why monogamy feels right for a large percentage of the population.
As the author of the original post, I take full responsibility that I have a negative psychological association to polyamory because of my past experiences. Yes, my issues were with the people involved. I wrote that post to give my perspective since I'm a member of the BDSM community where there are a good number of folks that identify as polyamorous. Not everyone in BDSM is poly and not everyone is comfortable with polyamory. I did not write the post to 'bash' polyamory in any way. I'm hopeful that the more healthy people in polyamorous relationships that I met, the easier it will be to disassociate.
The simple fact does remain, however, that multiple partners increases the likelihood of someone involved fucking up and when that happens multiple people are affected, not just one. I'm not saying that it means monogamy is better than polyamory, but perhaps less risky. Also, I don't believe that romantic relationships are comparable with friendships, but I felt that you response was well-articulated and creative.
I'm glad that my post inspired you.