joreth: (polyamory)
Honey, I'd like to talk with you.   Since you brought it up a few weeks ago, I've been doing some thinking.  You're right, I think it's time that we open things up a bit.  I understand that you have needs, and that this is not a reflection on me as a partner.  But I still have some insecurities.  I love you and I don't want to lose what we have.  So maybe if we lay down some ground rules, it'll help me to work on those insecurities, y'know, just until I get comfortable with things.

[deep breath] OK, so when you start going out for job interviews, I want to make sure that you don't choose an employer who is going to come between us or mess up our routine.  So I think I should be present on your job interviews.  You haven't always made the best decisions in the past. I mean, look at some of your former jobs before we got married!  I think you could use an objective opinion.  And, after all, I'm also a manager, so I know what these people will be thinking.  I think that I ought to meet your potential employers so that you don't get caught up in the excitement of having a new job and miss some of the fine print in the job description.

We should also discuss what kinds of things you can and can't do at work.  I know you haven't even started looking for a new job yet, but that makes this the perfect time to decide these things!  That way your future employer doesn't get his hopes up.  I don't want your new boss to have more time with you than I do, so you should tell him right up front that you have to be off work in time to get home before I do.  After all, before your new job, you always made dinner.  That shouldn't have to change just because you have a new job in your life.  That would disrupt *our* relationship.  So, you have to be home in time to have dinner ready for me when I get home like always.

And you can't be in to work until after I've left for the day.  I mean, who is going to get the kids ready for school and have my stuff all organized for me if you're gone early?  That's not fair of him to cut into your time with the children!  They should come first!

Also, the job needs to be far enough away that our friends and neighbors won't notice that you're working for someone, but not so far that it costs too much in gas money.  In fact, I think your future employer ought to pay for your gas to get there.  If he wants you to be there badly enough, he'll see the benefit in paying for your gas.  I would suggest that he pick you up, but then our neighbors might start asking questions.

It's OK to put in a few hours in the evening while I'm out bowling with the gang every week.  You should do something for *you*, y'know, when I'm not around to be affected by it.  Hey, I care that you're getting your needs met, I'm just that considerate of you.  But absolutely no weekends.  That's *our family* time together.  Remember, the kids come first.  And definitely no over-night stuff either.  I would feel lonely without you in our bed, and I don't think I can handle that.  Our marriage was here first, before your job, so it should take priority.

Speaking of priority, if you're with your new boss and I need you for something, I think you should be able to leave him to help me.  Remember, our marriage came first and if your new boss can't respect that, then I don't think you should be working for him.  Your new boss can't be calling you after-hours for anything.  If he needs someone that badly for more than what we agreed to right now, between us without him present, then he should get more people to do the job.

Also, he needs to offer you a decent salary because you're worth a lot, but it can't be more money than I bring home.  I would feel inadequate as a partner if he gives you more money than I make.  But he still has to value you!

Now, while you're with him, I think it's OK to answer phones and greet people at the door, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you filing things or handling the accounting just yet.  You'll have to just work for him for a while until I adjust before you can work up to that.  I don't know for how long, I'll decide that when I'm ready.

What do you mean, what if the job isn't for a receptionist position?  What if the new employer is looking for a server or a construction worker?  Oh hell no!  There's no way I'm going to let MY SPOUSE do something as dangerous as construction work!  What if you get injured on the job?!  You'll bring that injury back home and everything will have to change!  No, that's a hard limit for me.  I can't handle my spouse working in a dangerous field.  That's a boundary for us.

What?  Of course this isn't unreasonable.  Any employer who wouldn't agree to all this isn't right for us anyway.  He wouldn't be a good match, so it's OK to reject him.  We need to find someone who is right *for us*.  We're supposed to be doing this together, right?  That's what you said.  So we need to find you a job that will make our relationship better.  If the job strains our relationship, it's got to go.  I shouldn't have to accommodate something that's coming into our lives after we've been together this long.  The job is the new guy here, so anyone wanting to be your employer is just going to have to take us or leave us.

And while I'm thinking of "new guy", maybe you ought to just work for female employers.  They tend to be more understanding of relationship obligations, whereas dudes are more territorial.  I don't want to get into pissing matches with your new boss all the time, so maybe just stick to women.

But somewhere, out there, is our perfect new employer. She'll be kind and understanding and considerate and respectful of our relationship and our family and your obligations.  She'll pay decent wages and have excellent benefits even for part-timers, because of course you can't be with her 40 hours a week if you expect to be home when I need you.  She'll never make any demands of us, and if things change, she'll let you go gracefully with a comfortable compensation package because she knew the conditions of hiring you when she interviewed you.  Don't worry, I'll write it all down for her and give it to her when we go to your interview.

Oh, honey, it'll be so great having two incomes and more health insurance!  We'll have so much more money, and you'll have that sense of purpose you've been looking for since the youngest was born!  It'll revitalize our marriage!  We'll go on more vacations together, and I can't wait to come home from work and see you there, waiting for me as usual with a candlelight dinner, and you'll tell me all about your day - every detail!

No, really, I mean every detail - a full play-by-play.  I need to hear *everything* so that I don't feel insecure by not knowing what you did while you were away.  Well, no, I never needed to know every detail while we were apart when you were home and I was at work, but this is different.  In fact, just to make sure, why don't you just text me throughout the day every time you do a new task, that way we'll be sure, and then you can recap it all at night when you get home.  Your boss is just going to have to deal with you making personal phone calls and text while you're on the clock.  That's another boundary for us.

And I promise that hearing all the details of how much fun you're having at your new job won't make me feel left out.  And I promise that I won't make you responsible for my feelings.  I'm totally responsible for my feelings and you're totally responsible for your actions that cause those feelings.  So if I start to feel jealous when I hear *too many* details, you'll just have to quit your job and focus on us for a while.  But since you're *agreeing* to it, it's totally egalitarian.  Because I love you and I respect that you can agree to these boundaries.

I know it's taken me a while to get on board with your idea here, but I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think our marriage will be stronger than ever for the adventure we're about to take together.  Just as long as we can quit this little experiment if it gets too hard.  But it'll be great!
joreth: (Silent Bob Headbang)
A few years ago, I was op-ing some meeting rooms and the speaker wanted walk-in music, but it wasn't anticipated in the work order. So I pulled out my iPod and he picked out some songs and was thrilled that I could save him in this way.

So I built a "walk-in playlist". I'm a huge fan of building playlists. I have about a dozen or more that I use regularly. I have a Fucking Playlist, several playlists for different dance classes, a Happy Playlist, a Sleep Playlist, a Poly Party Playlist, and more. I can literally give a spontaneous dance lesson anywhere that we can hear the music on my iPod speakers because I carry it with me everywhere and many of my playlists are on it. My most commonly accessed playlist is my Work Playlist, which is similar to what most people might build for a workout playlist - all songs within a certain BPM range intended to keep my mood and energy up, to walk fast to (for pushing cases), etc. My playlist differs from most people's playlists, though, in that is has a ton of genres, they just have to be of the right beat.

So I took my Work Playlist, removed all the songs with cussing, all the pro-atheist songs, and most of the country except for a handful of really popular country songs (this guy was a rock fan but for some reason he really loved Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy and played it probably 5 or 6 times throughout the day).

Recently, I was a graphics op for a luncheon where the client was so stingy with the cash that we didn't have any headset communication between the backstage techs and the Front of House techs, no video engineers, etc. They also didn't arrange for walk-in music, and as people were filing into the room, the client finally noticed how quiet and awkward it is to not have walk-in music. So, she started to freak out, so I offered up my old walk-in playlist. We already had the audio set for my graphics machines, so we didn't need to communicate with the FOH audio guys, I could just plug in and we'd have music

She had to call her boss to make sure it was OK, and he wanted to know what was on it. So I said "mostly classic rock and '80s music", because there was a panicked-rushed feel to this whole thing and that's all I could think of what was on it being put on the spot like that, and he OK'd the playlist. But the first 4 songs that came up were swing dance songs - a mix of rockabilly, actual '50s Rock N Roll, and Big Band Swing. Which was fine, but the point is that I realized how eclectic my mix really was, and that might not be to everyone's taste.

So I'm building more playlists! I now have a walk-in playlist with just rock music from the '50s through the '80s; a pop playlist with pop music from the 2000s only; a retro/vintage playlist with music from the '20s through the '40s, Sinatra-style jazz, and modern music that has the same feel; and I'm about to build a Glurge playlist. "Glurge" is a term I first heard on Snopes, which says "think of it as chicken soup with several cups of sugar mixed in". Basically, it's those sickeningly sweet inspirational messages that have no real substance or, on the far end of the spectrum, actually have a much darker meaning than the uplifting message they supposedly support but you can't really tell because of the generic inspirational tone.

This playlist is going to be filled with all the really fucking annoying vaguely rah-rah music that every damn convention plays - like Happy by Pharrel or Roar & Firework by Katy Perry or I've Got A Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. If playlists could make me money, I figure I'd be rich in no time for this playlist alone.

But the playlist that's making me happy at the moment is my retro/vintage playlist. It's filled with Cab Calloway and Postmodern Jukebox and Ella Fitzgerald. I'm delighted thinking that, maybe someday, perhaps in a couple of years, someone is going to desperately need walk-in music and I'll be all "I can save you! What kind of music do you want?" And they'll be all "I don't know, what do you have?" And I can say "I have these playlists" and I'll list them, and someone will say "you have old ragtime?! That's awesome! Play some of that!" And I'll hook up my iPod and we'll be rocking out backstage to Louis Armstrong and Sammy Davis Jr. and a Miley Cypres song that sounds like it's being played in a slat-wood saloon with an upright piano and a guy in a red and white striped shirt with red garters on his biceps and people walking into the room will be all "WTF is this?" at first, but they'll find their feet tapping along while they sit and wait for the show to start because it's hard not to get into ivory-tickling and a wailing horn and a smooth-as-honey voice pouring out the speakers, into the ears, and down the back of the throat.

I may have a slightly unhealthy obsession with playlists.

‪#‎Audiophile‬
joreth: (Purple Mobius)
I almost wish there was some kind of poly entrance procedure. You go to a local branch office or a representative shows up at your door and says "Hi! Welcome to the Office of Poly Management! So you'd like to try being poly? Here's your infinity-heart initiation pin and local meeting schedule, your Google calendar account login information, and your poly handbook More Than Two. Take whatever time you need to read this and discuss it with the important people in your life.

Be sure to schedule an appointment with your guidance counselor when you're done reading so that you can complete the reading comprehension exam! Don't worry, you can retake it as many times as necessary and the number of times you take it remains confidential.

Once you've done that, one of our social workers will contact you to arrange weekly, then monthly visits to asses your progress and make any personal growth opportunity recommendations as necessary.

Every year you'll have an annual review to see where you're at and where you're going as well as discuss where you would like to be. When you reach the minimum levels of proficiency in communication, introspection, and ethical compassion, you'll be given your official infinity-heart necklace and be offered the licensing rights to a tattoo if that's your style. You'll be a full fledged poly member then!

Of course, you can begin dating at any point; there are no restrictions on what you do with your own body and time. We can adjust your mentoring program to match whatever relationship circumstances you are in at any given time. We just want your partners to understand where in the learning and self-growth you are while you explore love together, that's why we have this evaluation process before you can get the official membership pendant.

And of course there are also further levels and corresponding symbols, titles, and accolades after you achieve member status! There is ALWAYS room for more personal growth! We want to encourage our members to keep working on themselves! Becoming a member doesn't mean we're all done and can coast now!

So go home, read your More Than Two handbook, and call us for your follow up appointment!"

I kind of hear that in my head as being said with an Effie Trinket, syrupy falsetto voice, from Hunger Games. Cuz what I really wanted to do was associate polyamory with The Capital.

OKBingo!

Jul. 8th, 2013 10:21 pm
joreth: (::headdesk::)

http://onlinedating-adventures.tumblr.com/post/41921984085/okbingo - My new favorite online game.

Guys, if you do 2 of these in one email, I'm posting it all over the internet and you're getting a blog entry from me where women everywhere will mock you for your cluelessness/douchebaggery.

Another game option: try to find one of my online skeezballs or feminist rants that doesn't have something on this Bingo card!

joreth: (Bad Joreth)
So, we're all 13-year old boys at work and sexual innuendo is endlessly amusing.  As our boss said today, sex jokes makes the day go faster.  Today, we decided to formalize it after I said something that could particularly be confused for something said at an orgy.  So now, we are making legitimate backstage phrases that could mistaken* for being heard at an orgy.  Here's what I've collected so far:

  • Everyone grab one and pull!

  • I need a male to female turn-around.

  • How many slots are empty over there?

  • There's room for one more!

  • Someone help me tie this up!

  • It's too tight!

  • Can I use your tool?

  • Which tool do you need?

  • I'm getting to old to be working on my knees.

  • Rub the kinks out of it

  • This one's not kinked up yet!

  • My boss just fucked me

  • Bring it on in! No, wait! Take it out!

  • Aw, man, who did THAT?

  • Fuck that shit

  • Used condoms right here!

  • Here comes the head!

  • I need skinny shit to shove in here!

  • Shove it in the hole!

  • Bring it!

  • He's in the right pile.

  • Gimme the black one

  • Gotta twist it in.

  • There's a trick to it. Just remember "twist & jiggle"

  • I dunno about that, it looks dirty

  • No, not that one, it's too small. I need the horse cock.

  • Is that box full?

  • You just start breaking them and I'll come behind you.

  • I'm gonna need gak to fill the hole

  • Fine! Make me bend over!

  • You sure you can handle all that?

  • How many holes you got left?

  • Gonna need 3 guys to grab this fuzzy bitch and flip her on her back.

  • This floor ain't exactly clean.  It's kinda chunky.

  • I get excited when I see the little ones!

  • I can handle the little ones all by myself!

  • Non-lubricated Trojan condoms are the best. (Yes, it's legitimately used backstage for backstage stuff)

  • My side's in, how about yours?

  • Need a little more ass on this!

  • I'm gonna go help her with her fuzzy.

  • I love doing the movers!

  • I need more 8-ways.

  • I can finish this by myself.

  • Get your fuzzy over there in line.

  • Make a hole!

  • Don't forget the nipples.

  • That's a tight pack right there!

  • Are you pulling out or staying here?

  • Watch your back, I'm coming behind you!

  • Up against the wall!

  • More subs!

  • Can I ride on the back?

  • When you come, go through the rear.

  • "How'd he get out of that harness so quickly?"  "He just slid out."  "I'm surprised he's not naked already!"

  • Now THAT'S well hung!

  • Are you sure that's rated for that kind of weight?

  • Just put that anywhere

  • Goddamn these condoms are tight! Don't we have any bigger ones? They hurt!

  • "They're all fresh & tight." "We don't get many fresh, tight ones around here."

  • The blacks are hung.

  • I could use a snatch block.

  • Look at all the people leaving their condoms lying all over!

  • C'mon, hurry up, we got a bunch of guys standing around with their dicks in their hands!


*And by "mistaken", we don't necessarily mean that, literally, these phrases are common at all orgies (although I have actually heard quite a frew on this list at real orgies).  As a person who is part of the poly and kink communities, I, and many of my fellow stagehands, are quite aware that much of what is said at an orgy can be commonplace, blasé, or even totally unusual and not something that one would expect to be said at an orgy at all.  That's not the point.  Re-read the part at the very beginning about "sexual innuendo" and "sex jokes".  Re-read the part a third time about "jokes".  It's supposed to be funny, not literal.
joreth: (polyamory)

Honey, can we talk? So, we've been talking about this for a while, but I think we're ready. I think we ought to do it. Our relationship has never been stronger, we're both in really good places right now with work and with each other. Life is perfect, so right now is the best time, I think, to bring in someone new to our family.

Let's have a baby.

I think it'll be great! We're totally ready to take this next step in our relationship. But, because our relationship is so perfect, I don't want the kind of baby that will threaten our existing relationship, so let's talk about the rules. We need to have some rules to make sure that nothing between you and I changes when the baby comes along.

First of all, we have to have a girl baby. I don't want to have to compete with a son for being "the guy" around the house, and you're a woman so you'll have lots in common with a girl baby so you'll naturally get along perfectly. You already know how to handle girls because you are one - you have all the same equipment and you understand women, so having a girl baby makes more sense. I'm a guy, so naturally I understand how to handle girls too, but I don't have any experience with dudes, so I'll be a better father to a girl baby.

Second, we have to do exactly the same things with the baby. I don't want our new daughter to end up loving one of us more than the other, so let's agree to never be alone with the baby and to do all the same things with her. If one of us plays soccer with her before the big soccer game, then the other has to play for the same amount of time the next day. If you help her with her math homework for 2 hours, then I get to help her with her math homework for 2 hours.

Now, honey, I know math isn't your favorite thing to do, but she's going to need help with her math homework, and if I'm the only one helping her, then that leaves you out. And I don't want you to feel left out. Besides, then you might do something with her without me and I'll feel left out. No, it's just better if we only do things with her together, that way no one will feel left out. Of course, we'll also only do the things that you and I like to do. Since she'll be our daughter, she'll just want to do all those things anyway - we wouldn't have a daughter that wanted different things, so that'll be that.

Since a trio is inherently more stable than any other configuration, let's agree to just one daughter that we both share equally. There will not be any accidental pregnancies because we've agreed not to have any.  We don't need to discuss what happens if you unintentionally get pregnant because we just agreed that it won't happen.  

I think I ought to have veto power over your pregnancies too. You can have the same, of course. I know men can't get pregnant, but I'm still giving you the veto power, so it's still totally equal. Also veto power after the kid is born - if one of us doesn't like her, out she goes and we try again. I'm willing to give you veto power because I love you that much, and I trust you not to use the veto power except in extreme circumstances, and protecting our relationship is more important than protecting the parental relationship with the new kid - after all, you and I were here first, way before any kid came along.


We'll work out a schedule for the baby - who gets to change her and who gets to feed her and when. We'll stick to that schedule no matter what because the important thing here is that our relationship with each other doesn't change significantly. The baby will have only the extra-curricular activities we tell her to have, and we'll choose them based on what works best for you and me, not her preferences, because I don't want this new baby to upset our lives too much.

After the baby comes, I still expect sex as often with you as we have it now. I want you to be there for me like you always have been, just as I will be there for you. I still want us to have the time and energy to dedicate to each other that we currently do. Just because the baby will be all new and shiny and she'll want lots of our attention in the beginning, we have to take care not to let that new relationship interfere with our existing relationship. So we have to promise, before any baby comes along, that none of that will change when we finally do have a baby. OK? You won't stop having sex with me, we'll still have date nights, and we won't give each other only the boring, day-to-day parts of ourselves. Promise me now that we'll both still keep the magic in our relationship just the way it is now and that we won't let any baby interfere with that.

What we have right now is so wonderful, we should share it with another person. A baby will be so lucky to grow up in our lives! We have good jobs and we take fun vacations and we have great friends and a lot of knowledge to pass on, any baby would be fortunate to have us as parents! She'll go on all the same vacations that we like to go on, she'll eat all the awesome food that we eat, she'll play all the same sports that we like to play, she'll take after me in math but after you in music, and she'll just love our lives as much as we do! And as long as we plan everything out in advance, make all kinds of rules for every contingency, everything should work out totally smoothly. It'll be awesome!

joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
I've been there before, but tonight I was reminded of pantslock.com - an incredible timesuck of a website that is basically my online skeezballs tag but that allows submissions & snarky responses from the editors.  3 of my submissions have been included.

I saw this particular entry with no response, and a response immediately popped into my head.  Since it's not a blog that allows comments, I'm just going to write it here.  Because I can.



His email: what would u say if i slapped ur ass and told u u have the asshole of a seven year old?

My hypothetical response:  I'd say "hello 911?  I'd like to report an assault and battery, and also a confession of a pedophile.  Where is he?  He's lying at my feet.  Oh, I suppose you might also want to send an ambulance.  I don't want you to send an ambulance, but I guess you have to do your job.  Please let the responding officer know that I have disabled the perpetrator for him."
joreth: (polyamory)
Reading Robert Heinlein poly books is like the literary equivelent of having sex with a misogynistic premature ejaculator:
Oh, that's nice. That's good, yes, keep doing that. That's great! Almost there ... almost ... what do you mean you're done? Oh, well, that's OK, we can still ... you mean you're just stopping? Right there? But we're so close! If you just ... what do you mean it's all my fault? Yes women should be responsible for their own orgasms, but that doesn't mean you aren't supposed to contribute anything at all! This is supposed to be a shared experience! That doesn't make you a feminist, that makes you a shitty lover.

I don't think I'll continue wasting my time with a guy who may be decent at starting off, but stops short right when it starts to get good - not when there are plenty of other guys out there who can start out good and still follow through to the end, and who don't mask their condescension of women with intellectual snobbery.
joreth: (Purple Mobius)
Someone made a post in a poly Facebook group that invited everyone to complete that sentence. So I did. Then I made a hashtag for it on Twitter. Then I realized that tweets don't last forever, so I'm making this post to archive them:

...you come home and your girlfriend's husband's girlfriend is in the front yard tending to the vegetable patch.

...you lay down at night and you have both your husband and wife laying beside you and your perfectly content to share your queen size bed with 2 other adults

‎...it takes both your husband and your partner about 36 hours long to 'forgive' you for bringing home a new dog and each hopes you intend for it to primarily live with the other. *inno*

...your girlfriend's partner's wife's boyfriend's kids are playing with your girlfriend's kid in the living room.

...you stay home happily napping because you know your boyfriend and your girlfriend and your other boyfriend are all contentedly playing D&D together for the evening.

...you don't own a TV.

...you go to make plans with your g/f but shes busy going out drinking with your other g/f... >.>'

...your husband looks at your potential new lover and says, "Shes spoiled." ( live with two of my lovers) :D

...you describe your metamour to someone as "my boyfriend's life partner".

...you walk down the street holding hands with two loves at once. and then you skip. cause how can you not?

...your hot threesome with two of your boyfriends is interrupted by one of their wives saying "are you guys done yet? Cuz I'm hungry!" and this causes laughter, not strife. (me)

...someone asks you how your boyfriend is doing, and you answer "which one?" (me)

...a msg from your bf's gf filled with evil plots to torture him is met with enthusiasm from all involved, not drama (me)

...you have to clarify to the interviewer for the glossy magazine that honest to god, you get along just fine with your gal's husband, and that he perceives "tension" in your voice because that's what he's expecting to find.

...you have to repeat yourself to the interviewer "no, there really isn't one I love better than the others and no amount of rephrasing the question will change the answer" (me)

...trying to explain who is involved with whom and how, confuses everyone, including yourself until you pull out the chart (me)

...said chart is color coded, requires a legend, and is on your iphone because this happens to you so often, you need to keep it with you at all times. (me)

...you're hanging out with your husband, your girlfriend and your girlfriend's husband... and you realize for the first time in your life you're really, truly sexually content.

...most of your friends knit.

...your partners have a pseudo show down on who is going to pick up the kid because you are too sick to manage it as usual. "I will pick him up." "no, I will." "no, I will."

...your husband tells you your boyfriend is adorable.

...saying "Ma…Ste…Sar…Ke… shit!" isn't a mom mixing up kids' names, but you mixing up partners! (me)

...you throw out terms like "metamour" & "compersion" & no one listening stops you for definitions (me)

...the kinky butch lesbian at work says "girl, I thought *I* was weird!" (me)

...a sign of commitment is your bf's wife asking your opinion on mattresses for the MegaBed she's building (me)

..."honey, what's for dinner?" turns into a 3 day email conversation & a panicky group IM chat (me)

...you log in to Facebook to find your husband has changed his display picture to one of him and your boyfriend.

...your girlfriend periodically rotates her Facebook profile picture to give all of her men their fair share of time at her side.

...you and your boyfriend can't wait to compare notes on your dates the night before.

...(Oh, and hubby has already been filled in. :-)

...your husband hums the Hockey Night in Canada theme as you leave the room to have "quiet time" with your boyfriend. There is no hockey game on.

...your girlfriend and boyfriend take you home after being in an exhausting show, feed you wine and poutine and let you whine about being sooooo sick while your husband takes care of the boy.

...you're out for coffee with your girlfriend and she notices the hickey on your neck from your husband and lends you her scarf so you don't get mocked at work ♥

...you're borrowing your halloween costume from your husband's gf.

...you see a Poly couple on Anderson Cooper's Show and get totally excited and can't think of who you're going to call first, the boyfriend or the girlfriend.

...you answer "how come you never married?" with "because 2 of my boyfriends are already legally married, and the other boyfriend's finances are a mess so I don't want to get dragged into that. But I might marry one of my boyfriend's other girlfriends for the medial benefits she gets at work if we move to a state with domestic partnership laws." (me)

           -You know you're an OUT poly when you realize you just said this to your new boss.

...you ditch your socially full Friday night to be with your parents at the emergency vet watching your family dog pass away after a horrible accident and come home to your two men trading off showing you love, support and caring by listening, giving you food and a large martini. I am so blessed and grateful for my family and what we have all created (including my parents!)

...someone asks if you're single, & you respond: "Yes. Wait. ...Well, Mostly? ...Do you mean sexually or emotionally?" (@themaili)

...dating one person makes you think, "...wow. my social calendar feels so open. I should call up my old friends..." (@themaili)

...your boss giving you a plus-one to the company holiday party puts you in a moral & ethical dilemma. (@themaili)

...you hand your phone to one partner to take a sexy pic to send to another partner (@rsetzer314)

...you tag a partner in an ambiguous post on FB ("winning") and the partner you live with hits "like" (@rsetzer314)

...you add 'metamour' and 'frubbly' to the dictionary on your phone. (@notpilgrim)

...you realize you're hitting on the waitress, cause your date starts flirtatiously playing wingman for you. (@themaili)

...you hear that some guy is hitting on your wife and the first thing out of you mouth is "you go girl" (@Artofpaint)

...you want a caldav server to keep track of your dates. (@Artofpaint)

...you get grumpy because a romantic comedy doesn't end in a joyful orgy (@nanayasleeps)

...you have to ask "Whose hand is that?" (@relsqui)

...every romantic comedy you see you spend shouting JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR CHRISSAKE. (@themaili)

...you send an iPhone postcard of the [romantic] mountain getaway to your metamour. (@cunningmix)

...you reflexively go to change the station everytime you hear a song lyric like "you're the only one" or "only you" (@themaili)

...the pic of your current partners is the wallpaper on your work computer #outandproud (@youngmetropoly)

...you know that love has no limits but time does (@HeavenlyWillow)

...your child, watching some sitcom, says "Why don't they just talk to each other??" Good boy! (@terriaminute)

...you pull up your file of your mate's sexy photos to find some for him to post to his online dating profile. And you're grinning the whole time! (@terriaminute)

...your girlfriend casually mentions going on a date w/you to your wife's dad, and it's a Good Thing. (@Datan0de)

...you wish your girlfriend happy anniversary but it's not YOUR anniversary. (@Datan0de)

...Winterval gets expensive just buying for your partners (@xmakina)

...you tell her you had sex with her boyfriend in the shower and her first question is about the physical logistics. -F (@labcoatlingerie)

...you are just as excited about your love falling for another woman as he is. (@Shykokami)

...you run out of colors on your Google calendar. (@kelleytastic)

...you wonder why the characters in soap operas bother to marry each other one at a time. (@TriniPagan)

... you miss your girlfriend, and your wife comforts you. #NoNotLikeThatIMeanAHug #NotAllAboutTheSex (@Datan0de)

...your network can spread a cold across national boundaries. *achoo* (@FranklinVeaux)

...you stress about introducing your new potential to your ex & their partners (@themaili)

...you can't wait to introduce your new potential to your exes & their partners! (@Kalyana)

...your metamour asks you what color scarf you want knitted. (@CunningMinx)

...your metamour mournfully apologizes for disrupting sex between you & the shared GF (@MarkSobba)

...after you've been dumped your primary tries to comfort you by saying "we broke up once too" (@rsetzer314)

..."I'm currently on the lookout for a curvy girl." "You'd probably like my girlfriend." XD (@relsqui)

...you're having a moment of weakness to reach for the phone to call your recent ex & your husband says "don't do it!" (@PolyDen)

...your wife keeps washing underwear and giving them to you, but they don't belong to you, they belong to your husband's other girlfriend. (@Heidi Britt)

...the Canadian court decision makes you want to stage a kiss-in at the courthouse. bit.ly/tUq9q7

...every time you see "it's complicated" FB #relationship status for someone you don't know, you think "closeted #poly." (@themaili)

...you have to take both your paramours on a date in the front row at campus movie night so the whispering crowd will finally get it that it's not a secret!

...your boyfriend's girlfriend comes up with a brilliant idea, and you glow with pride to be part of such an awesome network of people. (Yes, me, just now, at this. :) ) (@Emanix)

...you make sure the UU minister who is to marry you deletes the words "foresaking all others" from the vows - and she takes it all in stride because she knows full well why you asked her to do it without your having to explain. (Anita Wagner)

...you have a romantic candlelit dinner for three (@Emanix)

...you ask a metamour about who's partnering who to your other partner's wedding, & both end up with a 'plus one-half'. (@Emanix)

...you hear the word #unicorn and you don't immediately think of a mythical horse with a horn. (@youngmetropoly)

...you giggle like a school girl gushing to your HUSBAND about seeing your BOYFRIEND. (@funkristy)

...you ask your partner for opinions on Valentine's gifts for your boyfriend (@oxfordpoly)

...you can't decide if 'friend/partner of a friend' or 'my partner's partner's partner' is a nearer connection (@Emanix)

...half of any relationship is spent learning new terminology (@NiaCJohn)

...you out your hubby’s crush TO HIS CRUSH, & your 1st thought is: I REALLY hope he’s home getting great sex. (@themaili)

...your girlfriends send each other photos of themselves with the bears you got them last weekend (@xmakina)

...your weekend is as likely to involve watching cartoons in bed w/a sweetie as it is a hot threesome. #NotAllAboutTheSex (@Datan0de)

...spending the weekend "at home" could mean any of 4 different houses in 2 different cities. (@Datan0de)

...one person dropping out of a weekend causes a complete reshuffle of sleeping arrangements for everyone. (@Emanix)

...you have to explain that, no, he can't come to the orgy cuz he's not part of the network & hasn't been tested (me)

...you have to further explain that there is a surprising amount of logistical planning when it comes to orgies (me / [livejournal.com profile] tacit)

...your conservative Christian coworker tries to set you up with his younger brother because his brother refuses to "settle down" and your coworker thinks you've figured out how to do it responsibly & safely & without "the crazy chicks". (me)

...your conservative Christian coworker asks you for sexual safety advice when he and his wife start talking about having a threesome. (me)

...your mono "friends" confide in you about their cheating cuz they think you'll "get it". (me)

...your cheating mono "friends" are then surprised to get a lecture from you about safety, compassion, & insensitivity. (me)

...you have certain phrases on auto-response & don't even have to think about them, they just come out: yes he knows & he's OK with it; no I'm really not jealous of his wife; of course they both know, if they didn't, it would be cheating; actually, they were both friends with each other before I started dating either of them; I did find The One - in fact, I found several Ones; I am settled down, they are my family; my relationships ARE real relationships; no, I'm not a Mormon.

...at a wedding, there's a special photo for 'partners of the bride & groom'. <3 (@Emanix)

...people look at your "family" and say "nice entourage!" (@deadhead_moni)

...your boyfriend takes you to his office Christmas party. On the way, you stop at your other boyfriend's house to get the coat he borrowed from your boyfriend.. Boyfriend needs pants for the party, so gets a loan of fancy pants from your other boyfriend. Boyfriend needs office party gift wrapped, so your girlfriend offers to wrap it all pretty for him. You both get kissed and hugged goodbye as you leave for the party! (PS.. for those who are still confused, there were four poly people involved in this story.)

...you're out Christmas shopping and hold up the cashier because you're distracted simultaneously texting one boy about last night, a second boy about tonight, and a third about tomorrow night!

...you're making presents for 8 parents (two sets for one of us due to a remarriage).

...you are out browsing with your husband and son and your husband finds the perfect gift for your boyfriend on sale.

...you spend more time talking about sex than having it.

...you're talking about a schedule for showering in the morning with your wife and GF and just decide to have one together.

...Facebook's new Timeline shows a random image of six of your friends, and all six are crushes.

...nobody seems to have done anything wrong, but suddenly everything is all fucked up.

...your husband doesn't remember the date of his anniversary with his girlfriend, so you have to find it for him using the records in his Google Calendar.

... on your partner's Facebook profile it shows you a thumbnail box of eight mutual friends, and you've been intimate with all eight of them.

...you invite all your friends over and realise you've dated all of them, or their partners, at some point in time.

...you're in bed with your girlfriend checking out profiles on OKCupid and comparing notes.

    ...and then she gets a text from her boyfriend and has to jump out of bed to go check her Google calendar.

...you agree to go to a movie with your husband even though it is going to scare you silly and you hate being scared all because you realize he deserves it because he willingly stays home with the kids so you can have overnights with one of your loves.

...you are in bed with your boyfriend while he is texting his wife... and you love it . or when your hubby offers to stay out so you and your bf can have a sleep over at house

...you're making a fancy dinner for your two sweeties.

...your husband calls your boyfriend cupcake and boyfriend calls husband muffin! Lmao....totally platonically.

...your husband helps you pick out an outfit for your date with your boyfriend.

...your bf tends the kids so hubby and you can go to the hot springs for playtime with another couple. Tehee

...a calender is more valuable to you than money o.o

...boyfriend has to buy two packages of condoms because he forgot which size husband needs....lolol..

...your boyfriend shows up with flowers for you, and beer for your husband and a movie to all snuggle up to

...talking on the phone to a far-away partner about their budding relationship (and accompanying sexy misadventures) with another person makes you feel fuzzy and warm inside.

...you are home alone, because your partner is on a date, your girlfriend is in another city, and your lover is at work.

...your partner asks you "why are you so dressed up this morning, is there a cute girl at work?"

...your sleeping-arrangement negotiations have to include whose bed the cat will sleep in.

...you're at a break-up dinner party hosted by your partner A and his ex B, your ex X messages you seeing if you want to hang out tonight, and when your girlfriend G notices X checked in on foursquare at his apartment (after a spell of international check-ins) you suggest to her (G) that you and G surprise crash X's place since you haven't seen him since many poly meets ago and both you and G both think he's cute.

...you often confuse people in your life when you mention other people in your life and don't have your current (and past) polycule diagram on hand.

...you just knew passing up that potential GF was going to kick your ass eventually. And holy fuck did it ever!

...you stay up late poly processing about twice as often as you stay up late having sex.

...you think about whether you're doing it wrong at *least* once a week, and share that with other poly people (because the non-poly friends stopped getting it).

...you can't see your lover often because she lives in another city, but you find time to flirt publicly on a social media group for poly people.

...you're reading this and getting all frubbly, or you're thinking 'yep, me too'.

...your boyfriend comes over to be cheerleader for job interviews because hubby is *not* so good at that....

...you wonder where all the time went.

...you are chatting with an online friend you haven't met in person- but are attracted to- and mutually agree to do a smooch test for compatibility when you do end up meeting in person.

...you're saddened by the difficulty one of your metamours (who identifies as mono) is having with the fact that your shared partner is poly. Due to the fact that she is not poly, she wants nothing to do with meeting you but you really wish she would so you could try to help her understand. You just wish you could go for a beer with her and give her a hug

...you're scheduled to sing at your boyfriend's upcoming wedding reception.

...you can flirt with multiple people simultaneously, within the same thread on a FB discussion.

...you deliver your boyfriend to your girlfriend so he can take her shopping for sex toys, and, after kissing them both in the lobby of a 5-star hotel (where you'd been hiding from the rain), you text your girlfriend to remind your boyfriend to pick up lube.

...the new guy you're dating turns out to have been a jerk, and you talk to your boyfriend about it and he gives you snuggles to help you feel better.

...you chat on skype with your best friend, talking about the hot sex she just had with your boyfriend

...your boyfriend comes over to make sure you are ok when hubby and you are having difficulty and does his very best to support the both of you without being "in the middle"

...you like one partner's Facebook comment but not the other's, and then you start to wonder if the other partner will be offended that you didn't like their comment, and then you wonder if you should just like all their comments just to be fair to both of them.

...metamour bonding includes all three people in the V sharing a bed, and you're so impressed with the intimacy that was created from caring about the same person.

...your metamours console you about a rough breakup.

... you break up with your partner and their other partner reaches out to help you get through it. (me)

... you break up with your partner and your other partners and metamours are shocked and upset that your now-former partner's other partners *didn't* reach out to help you get through it, because your current partners & metamours assume that family is family and a breakup doesn't necessarily change that, so the metamours through the former partner should have. (me)

...there is nowhere on the internet to discuss your poly joys or sorrows that doesn't include at least part of your romantic network.

...your new love interest comes over to meet your primary, your bf shows up too in a protective gesture lol.

...after (a most unusual) 3 weeks in which nearly every night has been spent with a partner, you are foolishly, blissfully happy to find yourself alone in your own bed.

...your girlfriend says how happy she is to be alone in her bed after several weeks, and you and her other girlfriend both have the same thought- what about the cat?

...you spontaneously ride out to meet your metamour for a quick lunch on the beach, then make sure to check both of you in together on Facebook because you know it will make your sweetie happy.

...you have laundry. ALL THE LAUNDRY.

...you're home all alone because your partner is on a date, and your out of town lover, who is also on a date, texts you at the start of hers to tell you how it's going, and this makes you feel cared about.

...you send four texts in a row to different people, all containing the mathematical expression, less than three.

...you read stuff like this pretty much every day on your newsfeed, because the vast majority of your FB friends are either your lovers, your former lovers, your metamours, or part of your poly community.

...you try to create a Facebook list called "Polyfamily," and you struggle to remember everyone who's supposed to be on it, and even when you're finished, you're pretty sure you've forgotten someone.

...you negotiate relationships as early as the day after a first date because you know you have a full plate of things to put energy into. You feel a little sad but empowered to be saying no.

...you text "I love you & miss you" to a partner that reminds you to text another. I love being loved!

...you're giddy with excitement to have made a coffee date with your very first poly metamour!

...you get stuck home with the kids when hubby is gone for the weekend and original plans with so get all screwed up because he suddenly gets invited out, and you can't go

...you haven't dated in a decade b/c school, work and home made your schedule too full, so now that you are dating, you need your husbands help to make sure you aren't making a fool of yourself. And when he sees you talking to said interest online, he finds something else to do instead of asking for the computer b/c you are obviously doing something more important that him checking FB.

...your husband gives you his fortune and it reads "Your meaning of love is special. Why not share it."

...you go on a date, come home to your boyfriend, and send a message to your lover excited about it.

...you encourage your partner to go on dates because reconnecting after is so much fun and you have so much to say to each other.

...Friday night plans involve a game of musical beds amongst some of your closest friends, with your roommate having an overnight at yours/her boyfriend's place so your girlfriend can have an overnight with you while her hubby has an overnight with his girlfriend. #keepingitsimple

...you spend your Friday night talking poly with you metamour and consider it a well spent evening.

...you have plans for dinner next week and as a trained pastry chef you let go of the reigns to let said metamour bring dessert.

...you can't keep track of who all the toothbrushes belong too. (compounded when you have poly roommates)

...you ask how she feels about sneaking off for a quickie at an upcoming engagement. Her reply: with who?

...you sneak in a quickie with hubby before going out with your other sweetie

... you ask your husband, "may I have some of your potato chips." He responds, "as long as you don't take more than half." And you answer, "That is a very clear boundary that I can respect."

...your husband writes a post on a poly forum on April fools morning stating that you are pregnant by your boyfriend and it could be true if he weren't fixed.

...you exchange contact info and ask if they want to link Google calendars to "make it simpler".

...you need to get someone quickly out of a bad situation, and 12 people and 4 trucks show up with 6 hours notice to get it done in under two hours. Yay community!

...you set up a date with an online acquaintance at the local fet night, as a double date with your husband and his girlfriend...and your date is totally okay with the arrangement.

...this thread gives you a bigger and bigger smile that is equal parts recognition, compersion and "oh, I want THAT"! Thanks for sharing all, so much warmth and

...you think about inviting a new lover to something you regularly attend with your partner, and wonder what your partner would think about that... then remember that your partners other lover comes too

...you spend an awesome night out at the club with your husband and metamour then come home to hang out. She stays the night and is there to help you care for your sick husband the next day.

...your boyfriend and your roommate (who happens to also be dating your boyfriend) make extra food for you cos you haven't eaten all day and have tons of work to do, and you smile as you hear them giggling and making out as you get back to work at the computer for the evening

...you totally get the title of this book and want to read it: http://www.amazon.com/Polyamori-gypsysattva-ebook/dp/B006UTL748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327351717&sr=8-1 (@diparra27)

...it fucking sucks to be in the middle of dating 2 people who are each dating one half of a shitty breakup. (@themaili)

...you find yourself joking, "no YOUR partner did something dumb" ...about the person you're (both) dating. (@themaili)

...watching your partner dance w/draw on another woman makes you grin like an idiot (@rsetzer314)

...you spend your evening wrapping ALL your metamour's bday presents because your partner sucks at it (@OxfordPoly)

...pillow talk includes discussing other partners or potential partners (@rsetzer314)

...you go to a bisexual meetup with your metamour and have to keep saying 'our partner' instead of 'my partner' (@OxfordPoly)

...your girlfriends go to IKEA together… to purchase a bigger bed. (@sfslim)

...you are negotiating boundaries in your relationships via grouptext. (@themaili)

..."I'm really glad you can be there for her" turns into a makeout session. (@themaili)

...your boyfriend helps you revise your @okcupid profile. ("How do I find more people I like as much as I like you?") (@relsqui)

...you're planning a first date on IM, while you watch boyfriend play video games, and his girlfriend is making dinner. (@relsqui)

...you fantasise about living in a farm house to accommodate you and your lovers, even though you hate rural living. (@redfernjohn)

...the family schedules a time on the calendar to schedule time on the calendar. True story. (@Datan0de)

...someone cute mentions an upcoming date, & your default response is to flirt by offering cute date ideas. (@themaili)

...you & your metamours spend quality time razzing your shared partner. (@themaili)

...you are watching the LGBT pride parade with your metamour, and having a blast! (@polyamorypundit)

...you ask your wife what your girlfriend's favorite condom flavor is. :-) (@Datan0de)

...your poly perspective takes the funny out of a comedian's routine presuming universal monogamy. (@polymisanthrope)

...your boyfriend's wife knits you a scarf for Valentine's Day. And it matches your outfit perfectly! (@cunningminx)

...your husband offers to make a romantic candlelight dinner for you and your girlfriend on #valentinesday. (@rosefox)

...you're forced to answer your friend's "How's your love life?" at a party w/ "...We should catch up over dinner." (@themaili)

...you have a dream that the girl you're crushing on, and her boyfriend, turn out to be poly already. (@FishAye)


...sharing Google calendars has become the official First Step in turning "dating" into big-r Relationship. (me)

...your boyfriend's other girlfriend comes to visit you, even though your mutual boyfriend doesn't even live in your state, and you take her out swing dancing because that's another thing you have in common with her that even your boyfriend doesn't share. (me)

...meeting your high school sweetheart's new girlfriend makes you feel compersion even though they're mono & you haven't dated him in nearly 20 years. (me)

...you apply same justification for poly (metamours are opportunities to make new friends) to defend why it's OK to stay friends with exes (partner's exes are opportunities to make new friends / exes' new partners are opportunities to make new friends) even in mono culture. (me)

...you text your boyfriend with a deliberately-misleading-but-technically-true "I met a dancer & took him home last night!" message and when you explain the details and it's not what it sounds like, your boyfriend is actually disappointed for you that it's not what it sounded like instead of jealously relieved that it was a joke, because he knows how much you'd like to date another dancer.

    ...the same thing happens when you do again to your other boyfriend. (me)

...you realize that the "celebrity exception" lists that you thought were a safe way to fantasize with your partner about other people because it could never really happen aren't so safe because it could actually happen.

...you realize that said "celebrity exception" list is actually more exciting knowing that it really could happen and you're totally OK with that.

...you exchange dirty emails with a celebrity you idolize and arrange a second tryst, preferably in his town next time, and when you tell your boyfriend about it, he gives you a high-five and a "RIGHT ON!" (me)

...My husband lost his phone. The first thing I did was message his girlfriends to let them know. ‪

...you start making valentine's plans before xmas, which include a romantic dinner for eleven. (@Emanix)

...you realise you need a bigger table for your romantic valentines dinner for nine. (@Emanix)

...someone's talking about unicorns and you assume they are talking about single bisexual females

...you just did laundry for three days and you realize none of it was yours.

...you've ever used the word metamour in casual conversation

...you use the phrase "my boyfriend's girlfriend" in a non-joking context.

...you mention your "girlfriend's girlfriend" in the office and everyone stops what they're doing to stare agape at you

...you and your husband are talking about his girlfriend in public and people think you're joking.

...u show up at work with love marks and when asked if your wife was hungry and you say yes they sure were.

...someone says they spoke to your girlfriend or wife and you answer with "You are going to have to be more specific."

...you redesigned your kitchen to make space for an industrial three-bay sink and a six-burner stove, and your cookware looks like it could easy roast a whole pig!

...you wake up in bed with your boyfriend and his wife.

...you're watching a show or movie and the main characters are in a love triangle with drama, the first thing to come to mind would be "they wouldn't have problems if they were poly,"

...you have an opinion on "couple's privilege,"

...you find yourself giving your gf/bf/wife etc. dating advice and/or counseling on their other relationship(s)

...you've helped your husband pick out a gift for his wife

...you have a Google calendar called "dates" that is shared with more than 2 people

...you have ever found another woman's underwear in your bedroom floor and laughed trying to identify who's they were

...you decided to go to "no gift Christmas" because re-financing the house every year wasn't an option

...you ever smiled while seeing your partner kiss someone else

...you've spent the last few evenings helping your partner process her transition with your former metamour - with and without your nesting partner there helping - you might be poly.

...your boyfriend's wife calls your partners to remind you to get ready for the dinner cruise with him. (@AnneRialen)

...between partners and metamores planning valentines week requires the coordination of seven people's schedules (@RandyFrehse)

...your bfs wife is baking cookies for her bf and sends some to you just because (@tixarah)

...you call out "Honey!” and more than one person answers back. (@AnneRialen)

... If the town gas station attendent pulls you to the side to inform you that your husband was spotted "seeing someone else" and you reply with "yea I needed a break - I've been with them every night this week"




1. I left out attributions to the Facebook contributors since FB requires real names. If you want yours to be attributed, feel free to say so in the comments, along with your preferred name, and I'll edit this post.

2. I will periodically re-check the hashtag & FB thread and update this post with new additions.  Feel free to add to this list in the comments.
joreth: (polyamory)
Another little side project - rewrite the words to any published/recorded song to be poly-friendly & submit them (the entire song, not just a line or refrain).  The more popular and/or well-known the song, the better.  If you have the ability, for bonus points you can find the karaoke version & record your new lyrics.

To get you started:

(from Bye Bye Love by Everly Brothers)
There goes my baby,
With someone new
She sure is happy
I sure am too...

(from I Can't Help Myself)
Sugarpie honeybunch
You know that I love you?
I can't help myself
I love you and somebody else...
joreth: (Default)
http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Adam/70112461?trkid=496624 - Netflix 
http://www.amazon.com/Adam-Hugh-Dancy/dp/B0030Y12FU/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1314685043&sr=1-1 - Amazon
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1185836/ - IMDB

I swear I'm not going to review every single movie I see.  But I did see a movie that has nothing to do with polyamory that I wanted to mention.  I saw the movie Adam.  Technically, it falls under the "romantic comedy" genre, but it's not like any other romantic comedy you've ever seen.  Trust me.

Adam is the story of a 29 year old man with severe Asperger's Syndrome who falls in love with the woman who lives down the hall from him in his apartment building.  Beth is "normal", or neurotypical (known as NT to Aspies), who nevertheless finds Adam interesting.  I watched this movie with two friends who have AS, and although I don't have AS, I am borderline enough that I get along better with Aspies than with "regular" people.  Of course, I don't know anyone who has AS as severely as Adam, so that may not be a true statement.  But I do find it easier to understand them than most other people, based just on those I have interacted with, and I find I have less tension dealing with my various Aspie friends because it requires less effort for me to think about how to behave.

The three of us laughed throughout most of the movie, not because it was funny (although it was) but because we could see ourselves and each other in the story.  We all groaned out loud when Adam did a typically Aspie thing that we all know leads to disaster, even if we can't help it when we do it ourselves.  There was much finger-pointing and jabbing and mock glares throughout the movie.  For a writer who does not have AS and an actor who did not know anyone with AS, the movie was frighteningly realistic.  The writing was spot-on and the acting and direction was absolutely brilliant.  My heart went out to Adam, knowing the kind of challenges he faced, and to Beth, knowing how difficult it can be to deal with an Aspie.

I saw an interview with the actor who played Adam, and I could almost swear that they were different people.  His mannerisms and vocal inflections were so different that they even altered his appearance (the hip clothing and extra mousse in the actor's hair was not enough on their own to change his looks that much).  His portrayal of a person with AS was so realistic, so touching, so achingly sympathetic, that I fell in love with Adam myself.

Adam is available on Netflix, but not streaming.  I highly recommend watching this movie, especially if you have any sort of ties to geek culture or any of its sub-genres, since that's most likely where you'll encounter Aspies in social settings.  Yes, it's a "romantic comedy", but it's really more about how we relate to each other as humans, and how a certain group of us humans relate, or can't relate, to everyone else.  It's the only movie I've ever heard of with a protagonist with this particular challenge (AS is technically classified as being on the Autism spectrum, but it's actually quite distinct from Autism in many ways), and, unlike Big Bang Theory (which I happen to love), Adam's AS is not the object of comedy, but a truly compelling story about the nature of human interaction and human emotion.

If you get the disc, watch the deleted scenes and the alternate ending.  The alternate ending is the ending shown at Sundance, but they changed it for the theaters and the DVD.  I like the new ending better, but my Aspie friends preferred the original ending.

Data Dump

Dec. 15th, 2010 10:24 pm
joreth: (authority)
I've had these tabs open for ages, meaning to write a post about them, and I never seem to get around to it.  So I'm throwing them all in one post:

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-discovery-may-offer-cure-for-human-papillomavirus-hpv-110968774.html - New Discovery May Offer Cure for Human Papillomavirus (HPV). "Test results confirming two of our lead compounds showed excellent in vitro antiviral activity and no cellular toxicity at dose levels tested for Human Papillomavirus (HPV). Testing was performed using the HPV 11 strain, which along with HPV type 6, is responsible for ninety percent of genital or anal warts."

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-12/uovm-mie121510.php - Marinomed's iota-carrageenan effective against H1N1. "In animal experiments, Carrageenan demonstrated equivalent efficacy when compared to the drug Tamiflu".

http://www.pnas.org/content/107/45/19195 - Evolutionary history of partible paternity in lowland South America. "Partible paternity, the conception belief that more than one man can contribute to the formation of a fetus, is common in lowland South America and characterized by nonexclusive mating relationships and various institutionalized forms of recognition and investment by multiple cofathers."

http://www.journey-quest.com/ - "JourneyQuest is a fantasy comedy web series from the creators of "The Gamers" and "The Gamers: Dorkness Rising"."

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/enemies-reason/ - "The Enemies of Reason is a two-part television documentary, written and presented by evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. ... Watch the full documentary now"

http://atheistmusicblog.blogspot.com/ - " aggregate all the Atheist, Pro-Science and Free-Thinking Songs, under the one roof." (I need to comb through this and add songs to my Atheist Music YouTube Playlist

http://bababrinkman.bandcamp.com/album/the-rap-guide-to-human-nature - The Rap Guide to Human Nature by Baba Brinkman "Immediate download of 19-track album in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire. Buy Now name your price"

http://www.randi.org/site/index.php/swift-blog/1160-martha-speaks-the-truth.html - Rationalist Kids Show Martha Speaks The Truth
joreth: (Xmas Kitties)
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Friday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, [livejournal.com profile] figmentj (-5000 points). In February I ruled Canada as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In May I pushed [livejournal.com profile] the_no_lj_d in the mud (-17 points). Last Monday I caught a purse-snatcher who stole [livejournal.com profile] seinneann_ceoil 's purse (30 points). Last month I bought porn for [livejournal.com profile] madmanatw (-10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5697 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!

Sincerely,
joreth

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In October I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-5000 points). Last Sunday I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points). In February I pulled over and changed [livejournal.com profile] corpsefairy 's flat tire (15 points). In October I didn't flush (-1 points). In June I helped [livejournal.com profile] datan0de hide a body (-173 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-6170 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!

Sincerely,
joreth

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
 I've decided to compile a list of terminology used when discussing the various forms of woo, for those who are unfamiliar or new to skepticism.  These are primarily derogatory slang terms that can be found in the science or skeptical communities.  I expect to update and alter this over time.



Woo:  magic (not conjuring or stage magic, which is generally a trick of some sort to entertain, but so-called "real" magic that defies laws of physics), mysticism, religion, spirituality, pseudoscience, psi, alternative medicine;  anything that is "beyond" science, "outside" of nature, supernatural, or paranormal.  These things tend to defy our current understanding of the natural world with no plausible mechanism, and are different from new modalities or discoveries within science that are plausible & have independently verifiable evidence to support it.  There is no clear demarkation line between science and woo, but a range or a scale on which individual subjects are evaluated.  

Key words or phrases to indicate woo can include: "life force", "quantum mechanics" (either coming from someone who is not a reputable quantum scientist, or extrapolated from the micro world to explain macro objects or large distances), "boost the immune system", "the cure for everything" (or a single cure for all cancers, etc.), auras / qi / chi, "energy" (not used in the sense of a measurement of something's ability to perform work), alternate dimensions, ancient wisdom, water memory, the body's "innate intelligence", "since you can't prove a negative, science doesn't *really* know anything", "science/knowledge is a human conceit", a shill for Big [fill in the blank here], accusations of "disinformation agents", "wellness", "it's about freedom of choice", calling for public debate rather than peer review, opposition to "toxins" (there are real toxins that are harmful in certain doses, but this opposition is usually vague, ill-defined "toxins" or with disregard to dosage, or inconsistently applied to some toxins & not others).


Woo-woo:  the original term from which the shortened "woo" is derived, coined by The Amazing Randi.

Wooager : a practitioner of woo.  Natureopaths, homeopaths, astrologers, psychics, dowsers, faith healers, all religious people, alt-med practitioners, acupuncturists, mystics, etc.  Rhymes with "newager" (below).

Woomeister:  another term for practitioner of woo.  See "wooager".

Newage:  a deliberate mispronunciation of the term "New Age" that rhymes with "sewage".  It covers all topics covered under the more proper term "New Age" and is meant to be derogatory.  Astrology, healing crystals, therapeutic touch, psychics, alternate planes, etc.

Newager:  a practitioner of Newage & said with the same deliberate mispronounciation.

SCAM:  Supplemental, Complimentary, and Alternative Medicine industry, what is usually referred to as the CAM industry.  Any product or therapy purported to cure or treat illness, infection, or disease that has not been proven effective by scientific analysis & peer review, or that has been shown by those methods to be not effective.

Quack:  a practitioner or pusher of SCAM products or therapies.

IDiot:  a proponent of Intelligent Design - the idea that the entire universe was created by an intelligent being who designed everything intentionally.

Worshipin' Huts:  churches, mosques, temples, synagogues, and any religious building for the purpose of religious services and/or worship.

Wooniversity:  An institution that sells unaccredited degrees in magical pseudosciences

Deja Woo:  reincarnation

For specific types of woo, reference The Periodic Table Of Irrational Nonsense
joreth: (Purple Mobius)
http://dvd.netflix.com/Movie/Futurama-The-Beast-with-a-Billion-Backs/70096914?strkid=1819645113_0_0&strackid=64c6ad47f2d6da58_0_srl&trkid=222336 - Netflix
http://www.amazon.com/Futurama-The-Beast-Billion-Backs/dp/B00158K0V0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345444174&sr=8-1&keywords=futurama+beast+with+a+billion+backs - Amazon
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1054485/ - IMDB

On the recommendation of [livejournal.com profile] zensidhe , I watched Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs (available streaming on Netflix).  It's a poly story.  Seriously.  No, I mean it, it is!

I enjoy Futurama, but I wouldn't call myself a "fan".  I find it mildly amusing and don't object to it being on, but I like Simpsons and Southpark better.  Futurama goes higher on the preferred watch list than most other adult-oriented animations though.  So I found this movie to be about on par with my overall impression of Futurama - mildly amusing.  But, personal preferences aside, it did, indeed, have a strong poly content.

Spoiler Alert )

I enjoy sarcasm and irony, and I, in particular, enjoy media that uses irony and sarcasm to make political and social commentary.  So if you enjoy Matt Groening's animation and humor style, I recommend this movie.  If you don't, I still recommend that it go on a list of poly-ish movies.



*The Monogamous Mindset is a particular mindset found within monogamous societies that seek to justify and protect the institution of monogamy in direct opposition to contrary evidence and with many faulty assumptions as premises.  It does not imply every single person who engages in monogamous relationships - that is why it is in capital letters and why I didn't just say "monogamy" or "monogamous people".  One can be monogamous without having the Monogamous Mindset, and one can attempt to engage in non-monogamous relationships while still maintaining the Monogamous Mindset.  In other words, if you're monogamous and don't do this, then I'm not talking about you.

BoobQuake!

Apr. 21st, 2010 12:15 pm
joreth: (Nude Drawing)
Please promote #boobquake - BoobQuake 26 April 2010 - Take part and fight stupidity... http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html

"Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose*?

Time for a Boobquake.

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.

So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake! Or join the facebook event!*
Posted by Jen at 8:02 PM"


Some of the commenters pointed out that this idiot also said "dressed immodestly and behaving promiscuously" and included "leads men astray", so if any female wishes to "behave promiscuously" and any men want to join in by being "led astray", all in the name of SCIENCE of course, your participation is welcome.

There will be no financial compensation for participation in this study. That would be illegal in some areas.

I'm a little confused though - The Christian Right says that it's the cock that's all powerful and tempting, because all men need rules and regulation to prevent them from  "choosing" to be gay and leaving us poor wimmenfolk with no providers to care for us. But according to this guy, the cock is completely powerless, able to be swayed and pushed into action by even the mere suggestion of boobs.

So which is it that rules the world, cock or tits? And does that mean that trannies are supreme beings if they have both or do they cancel each other out? 

*Active links found at the original post.
joreth: (boxed in)
I place myself between Geek and Nerd, depending on the subject, but I think my obsession with graphical representations puts me squarely in the Dork category!

http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2010/03/25/difference-between-nerd-dork-and-geek-explained-in-a-venn-diagram/

joreth: (Silent Bob Headbang)
I somehow manage to get on everybody's catalog mailing list whether I've ever bought anything from them or not. And although I hate the waste of paper for junk mail, I have always enjoyed going through catalogs. I methodically read every one and highlight or circle the items I would like. If you see a catalog at my house, chances are you can open it up and find my markings.

I started this habit as a kid, to help my mother do her holiday shopping. Just naming items on a list was never sufficient - she never seemed to have any idea what I was talking about or where to find it. So I'd comb through catalogs and dogear the pages, circling the items on each page. Even though I have an online wishlist now at The Things I Want that serves this purpose, I still take a great deal of pleasure going through catalogs and circling items I will never own.

In today's mail, I got a catalog for a company called What On Earth. I've never heard of this company, but some of the items were amusing. They were not quite interesting enough to put them on my already overly-large online wishlist, but I liked them nonetheless and I thought some of you might find them amusing too.

Here's what I circled:

LED Umbrella


Jellyfish Glass Paperweights


Storming The Castle Card Game


Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide


Wrench Ware


Mother Mobius Bracelet

Mostly I like this because it's a Mobius strip, and I recently created the Poly Purple Mobius symbol , so I'm glad to see it does translate into jewelry

Friends Forever

I like this one because it's poly-friendly. Even in platonic friendships, there is some pressure to have only one who is Above All Others, and this statue is inclusive of multiple loves.

Heart-Shaped Hinged Ring Pendant

This one is also poly-friendly. It suggests that it is for keeping family heirlooms close to your heart even if they don't fit on your finger, but the description reads "The mod pendant swivels open, allowing you to add as many rings as you like...", which makes me think this would be a great alternative for such symbols as wedding rings. This way there's no issue about how many rings fit on your "wedding ring finger" or how many rings on a hand, or whether everyone's ring matches or whatever.

My Cat Walks All Over Me


Nose Shower Gel Dispenser


Personalized Branding Iron


Bat Garden Stake Weather Vane


Vampire Fang Choker


Intelligent Design: an oxymoron of biblical proportions


Laughter Is Still The Best Medicine. Right Behind Antibiotics


Dog Toilet Water Bowl




joreth: (Misty Sleeping)
I nearly died from laughing so hard at the adorableness that is the red fox hunting through snow:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5YIa1NOByo



[personal profile] summer_jackel, I thought of you in particular!
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
This is totally what it feels like arguing with theists:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSLRjDR4aQ


joreth: (polyamory)
[livejournal.com profile] tacit found this comic and said it sounded exactly like how one of our vacations goes:

joreth: (Misty in Box)
After a rather pleasant evening in the company of some of my favorite Freaks, [livejournal.com profile] datan0de IMs me the next day with the following (reproduced with permission):



Welcome to Lie Of Omission Theater, where we use completely true statements to fabricate a complete lie!

* [profile] datan0de affects Brooklyn/gangster accent

So there's this dame ... I didn't mean for nothin' to happen, but sometimes you can't help it, ya' know?

This girl's somethin' special- sharp as a tack, don't take crap from no one. She really knows how to take care of herself. And talk about a looker! She's smokin'!

So last night she comes into town and we get together. We're havin' a ball, and finally I invite her back to my place. We both know what's up.

So uh, long story short- her boyfriend shows up with a gun! Now I'm no slouch but this is one intimidatin' lookin' guy. He's fuckin' huge, long hair, tattoos, always wears boots. Real biker lookin' type, you know what I mean?

Shit gets weird after that. Next thing you know guns are comin' out left and right! By the time it's all over, he's got his gun out, I'm injured, she's got my gun, and my wife comes in and she's packin' too! Fuckin' nuts!
 
Fortunately nobody got killed. Even more fortunately, the neighbors didn't call the cops!

Heh. And this dame left in such a hurry that she left some of her clothes behind.

[livejournal.com profile] datan0de switches back to normal voice.

That's all.



As an side note - this is exactly why I prefer a state of Total Honesty and why I consider "lies of omission" to be real lies just as any other lie.  Leaving stuff out, particularly when done intentionally for misdirection, can create just as false of an impression as an outright lie - and justifying it by claiming to have told "just the truth" does not excuse the tactic.  In my opinion, it makes it even worse.  I've tried it on several occasions when people make it difficult to want to be completely honest, for whatever reason, in poor attempts of tact and diplomacy on my part, and it only seems to make things even more complicated than simply accepting the trouble that being totally honest would have gotten me in the first place.

But, obviously, this was all in fun, and my little side note should not be taken as an implication of any sort regarding the story or the story teller.  I just sometimes over-think stuff and I can't seem to resist an opportunity to lecture people :-)

Now the fun part. What do you think *really* happened?
joreth: (Super Tech)

Your result for Test yourself: What alignment are you?...

True Neutral

You are The Druid; True Neutral.

You scored 46% Lawful and 40% Good, which makes you True Neutral.

Chaotic-Lawful is the ethical scale, on which you scored 46%, where 0% is utter chaos and 100% is total cosmos.
This Lawful scale doesn't necessarily judge how committed to the system you are, even though one could guess so from the name since the system usually holds the law, but instead it means how sorted internally you are, and how likely it is for you to choose cosmos over chaos.

You are neutral, and are as such an individual who either doesn't mind one over the other of chaos and stillness, or can go both ways depending on how you feel. You don't necessarily follow laws that blindly, and you don't act too randomly.

The Evil-Good scale is quite easily figured out, being the morale scale, and on this you scored 40%, where 0% is totally evil and 100% is completely good.

Now, evil here on this scale doesn't necessarily mean you're out to make people suffer. It means ego-centering and glorification of one's ego. You, as neutral, don’t make your actions based on a selfless vs selfish basis, but rather what you have judged to be the right thing to do for other reasons.


A farmer whose primary overriding concern is to feed his family is of this alignment. Most animals, lacking the capacity for moral judgement, are of this alignment. Some neutral characters, rather than feeling undecided, are committed to a balance between the alignments. They may see good, evil, law and chaos as simply prejudices and dangerous extremes.


Take Test yourself: What alignment are you?
at HelloQuizzy



Me: I am totally OK with being a True Neutral.
[Bad username or unknown identity: datan0de: ]I'm not surprised at all, but I am a little concerned.
Me: *shrug* eh.
[Bad username or unknown identity: datan0de: ]And that is exactly the response you should have - that just confirms it
Me: *shrug* eh, yeah.





Your result for The Which Star Trek Species Would You Be? Test...

Vulcan

The logical and loyal. Congrats, my favourite species!

Congrats, you're a Vulcan! You tend to be the more logical person. Whenever a difficult task comes up, you are the one with the answer. You analyse everything, and make sure you have the right answer before saying anything. You tend to be a more peaceful person, preferring not to act in violence. You are extremely loyal to your friends. However, many people tend to see you as emotionless. This is not true. You tend to hide your emotions from others, rather than let them show through. You are very good at giving advice and saving the humans when they make reckless mistakes.

Well-known Vulcans include: The icon of Trek, Spock; Sarek, fathe of Spock; Tuvok of Voyager; and T'Pol of Enterprise.

Take The Which Star Trek Species Would You Be? Test at HelloQuizzy

COMPARED TO OTHER TAKERS

  • 56/100You scored 53% on Vulcan, higher than 56% of your peers.


  • 76/100You scored 13% on Klingon, higher than 76% of your peers.
  •  
  • 64/100You scored 20% on Romulan, higher than 64% of your peers.
  •  
  • 27/100You scored 0% on Cardassian, higher than 27% of your peers.
  •  
  • 23/100You scored 0% on Ferengi, higher than 23% of your peers.
  •  
  • 46/100You scored 13% on Borg, higher than 46% of your peers.
joreth: (Silent Bob Headbang)
Fucking hilarious and totally NSFW (thanks to [livejournal.com profile] zaiah )

http://stevesullivan.co.uk/heapmov.html

Oh, OK

Jul. 15th, 2009 03:52 am
joreth: (Nude Drawing)
"If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked with, let them tie you to a bed post, have them lick you until you scream, then fuck until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, post this exact sentence in your journal."

As [livejournal.com profile] tacit says, there are several people on my friends list that I have done this (or similar) with and several more that I haven't but would like to ... plus a good number of people I wouldn't mind doing this with all at once!  But I'm finding this particularly amusing right now in light of my recent party activities (along with a coincidental Twitter Astronomy Survey) so I'm joining the meme.

And for those of you on my friends list who are reasonably or even just pretty sure that this statement applies to you ... it probably does ;-)
joreth: (Nude Drawing)
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/unleashed/2009/07/san-francisco-zoos-samesex-penguin-couple-broken-up-by-female-homewrecker.html

Apparently the San Francisco Zoo has a homewrecker penguin named Linda who has been running around with every male in sight, including breaking up one of the two gay male couples (who have even incubated an egg together).

Linda left her long-time mate for an older widower within a few hours of his mate's death.  Then, when he died, she made the moves on Harry, who had previously been in a monogamous relationship with another male named Pepper.  Pepper didn't take to being jilted and has been causing enough problems that he had to be removed temporarily from the group facility.  He's been reinstated, but the zoo-keepers are keeping their eyes open.

Once again, a story about homosexuality being "normal" and being hetero or "monogamous" does not make you immune to scandalous affairs, jealousy, losing a partner, or relationship drama.

And in related news, here's a very touching article about two other gay male penguin couples:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/unleashed/2009/06/gay-penguin-dads-in-german-zoo-hatch-chick.html

Z and Vielpunkt's chick, who is unnamed and whose gender is currently unknownAt this German zoo, there are 3 separate gay couples and the zoo keepers were concerned about reproduction (they're apparently endangered species), so they once tried to introduce 4 new female penguins but that didn't work.  One of the hetero couples rejected one of their eggs, so the zoo-keepers gave the egg to one of the gay couples, Z and Vielpunkt, and they faithfully cared for the egg until it hatched, and now feed the baby mashed fish because it's too young to feed itself.

Another gay couple, Roy & Silo, wanted children so badly that they tried incubating rocks until their zoo-keepers gave them an abandoned egg to raise, with the same result.

And yet another gay couple in yet another zoo were so desperate for children that they would actually steal other couple's eggs AND REPLACE THEM WITH ROCKS!  They were actually removed from the group habitat for their theft, but visitors complained, so the zoo-keepers put them back in general population, but gave them 2 eggs of their own.  They promptly stopped stealing and have raised their chicks, becoming "the best parents in the whole zoo".

Take that you homophobic nitwits!
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
For those who read my journal who do not use Twitter, here's a very basic summation of how Twitter works, to explain why the following story is so amusing )

Now, the story:

@yetused on Twitter made a tweet that said "creeps me out! #polyamory" Naturally, everyone who follows the #polyamory tag asked what was up with that. What followed was a series of very angry tweets by @yetused about how horrible polyamory was and how it was insulting to her own relationships.

Actually, what she said was that it was insulting to everyone who is in love, was in love, or ever will be in love.

Seriously, that's a direct quote.

So, of course, people started responding. So @yetused then yelled at everyone to "get off my lawn" (again, direct quote) because she felt she was being attacked and invaded by all the poly people who took exception to her comments. She began berating people for having a problem with what she said in her own Twitter and we should stay out of it if we didn't like what she had to say.

Responses were then sent about how she made a public Tweet meant that we were not on her lawn, that she was out in the open and therefore subject to other people having an opinion on what she wrote.  It was pointed out to her that adding a hashtag to her tweets brings it to the attention of everyone who searches for that hashtag and we don't actually have to go into her Twitter page to see it.  And responding with an @reply is made on our own Twitter accounts publicly and is not a private Direct Message.

NEWSFLASH ......... THE INTERNET IS PUBLIC.

Now, of course, I can moderate what is said here, within my personal LiveJournal, but I cannot stop anyone from making a post in their own LiveJournals about what I said. Even if they direct their comments *to me* in their own LJs, it is a public conversation and they have the right to say whatever they want to say about me. I can only stop people from commenting here, within my own LJ. But if I made a comment in a public post, chances are, someone is going to see it and have a difference of opinion, and possibly someone will even want to write their own journal entry about me.  And that might be annoying, but that's what happens when one makes one's opinions publicly known and then deliberately identifies those comments in such a manner as to make it possible for other people to read them even if they don't know who one is and never would have seen the comment otherwise.

The irony here is that @yetused has since made a series of tweets yelling at me (and possibly others, I don't know, I'm not actually reading her Twitter page, just the @replies she makes to me) to "get used to it" that if I say something to her, she'll say something back.

I have not ever actually complained that she was talking to me, I have only responded to her flawed logic regarding other people making comments about her original anti-poly tweet. She actually said "You don't get it? If you start conversation you will get reactions. Deal with it."

Can we say irony?
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
Thanks to The Skeptic's Guide To The Galaxy's Twitter feed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGIbOGu8q0


joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
Seriously!  Did you know that the reason we should prohibit gay marriage is because if guys figure out that they can get cock up the ass, none of them will want to marry women and all us poor women will be left alone with no mans to take care of us?!  It's twue!

Because, y'know, vagina just pales in comparison to the wonder that is the schlong. Once men get to sample of the hairy manflesh, women just can't satisfy them anymore. Once men go fag, they never go back.

The fact that men can get cock *now* without having to marry it doesn't change the fact that all men really want dick and will leave women out in the cold the instant they can sign away half their property to another penis (all women, of course, also hate the vajayjay - everyone loves the beefstick).

http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/the_best_argument_against_gay_marriage_ever/#When:11:18:00Z - A hilarious blog post responding to David Klinghoffer's statements quoting Catullus (Carmen 61:134-141) as his reason against Gay Marriage.
joreth: (Default)
I totally want these!

SEX bookshelf:


Bloody Hand Shower Curtain:

joreth: (Spank)
Dude, I seriously need to stop haunting the atheist twitter feed and get some costume work done! It's amusing and all, but it's SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE wasting my day!



joreth: (Super Tech)
I also wanted to throw in this video by the same duo, but I tagged that last post with "freedom/politics" and I don't think this really fits that tag - yet I think that tag is important within the context of that last video.

So haha! More bandwidth-crushing video!  I don't have a childfree-by-choice tag, but too many more of these kinds of posts and I might make one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8



joreth: (Nude Drawing)
Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] meowse for introducing me to this:

Sex With Ducks by "Garfunkel And Oates"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
Some of you are not on my Twitter list, (and believe me, I TOTALLY understand that - this is most definitely not a shameless plug to pad my friendslist) so you might have missed this, and some of you in particular I think really ought to read this.

I'll warn you, it's long, it's offensive, and it's ridiculous. As long as you know that up front, hopefully you can laugh your way through it like I did.  It's got to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while, and if you've seen my journal for even half a second, that should tell you about how absurd this is.

http://www.findingmygoddess.com/

RT rebeccawatson Are you a spiritual goddess seeking an "exquisite Love Dance"? Meet THIS asshole:http://tinyurl.com/kpcy84

Some choice quotes from his site (with my comments in purple):

"She believes what I'm saying is coming from God." (his italics & emphasis, not mine!)

"it is VERY appropriate for you to be skeptical. I seek a woman with a razor-sharp intellect who is well grounded in distinguishing material reality from the "stuff of dreams".... yet she ALSO ... must be willing to look deeply, have an open/flexible mind, and have an intuition sufficiently keen to read the many "signs" that clearly indicate my computer technology work is long past the "pie in the sky" stage and is getting ever-so-close to material reality... a reality that will cause money to pour in from all over the world."

"I seek a spiritual marriage with a true Goddess based on deep love, intense chemistry, extreme passion, and lifelong devotion. Additionally, marriage includes financial and legal dimensions, and the complexities of my Global Vision will necessitate a pre-nuptial agreement. I will be generous, giving the Goddess I seek 100% legal control over an appropriate portion of the anticipated wealth." (my emphasis this time)

"She is very spiritual ... she meditates at least 15 minutes daily (that's the minimum for a Goddess) ... She is not a Scientologist"

"She does not have too many unwelcome thoughts"

"She has the quality of childlike innocence. Alternatively, if she "lost" her innocence at some time in her life, she has subsequently regained it. "

"She is extremely attractive. She's HOT. She turns heads wherever she goes. She is sexy. VERY sexy. She is beautifully dressed and beautifully groomed. She has excellent posture. She is not overweight. Her hair is her own and at least to her shoulders. Alternatively, she is willing to grow her hair long for me and keep it long for me."

"Her home is clean, orderly and uncluttered. However, if she has small children living with her, messes caused by her kids are okay."

"She wants TOTAL FREEDOM and has the courage to attain it. She wants a man who will HELP her attain it" (LOVE this one!)

"She QUESTIONS so-called "authority" and HATES the concept of "blind obedience to authority." ... She has the COURAGE to unite with and give her full Goddess support to a powerful man (me)"

"She is either an experienced actress or would like to be one."  WTF?

"I have written a book (not yet published) entitled, Resurrecting the Innocence in Prostitutes. Fascinating topic! And it's an important part of my Global Vision."

"She cannot help but surrender herself to him, melting naked into his arms, whereupon he worships her as a Goddess.... he is the priest, she is his altar. She becomes the Goddess he is worshipping... she is elevated into extreme Goddess-ecstasy.... exploding and screaming!.... so many times you lose count."  (thinks a bit highly of himself much? Cuz, it's not like women are individual and require different types of activities and/or some are just not prone to multiple orgasms)

" Students and their parents love me, but the powers that be in education do not."

"Currently spend an additional 30 hours per week drafting complex legal documents for numerous attorney clients. ... I am not an attorney, "

"I am intensely chivalrous, and, if you date me, you are required to respond to my chivalry as a LADY. You are the GIRL. ... It means you let ME decide where I would like to take you (e.g. what restaurant, what concert, what hotel, etc.) ... It means that when I offer you flowers and gifts, you accept them graciously.... you should have empty vases in your home. ... It means if we are at a restaurant and I am hungry and you are busy talking, that when our food finally arrives you realize that YOU must take the first bite, and by ignoring your food as you keep yacking away you are making me starve!" (underline his)

"I don't watch television ... I stopped watching TV in 1970 ... I dislike the energy of most of what gets broadcast, ... I have saved YEARS of time by avoiding TV. However, when we launch our own TV show (which will have very different energy), I will watch every episode." (oh, this makes the above comment about actresses make more sense.  He wants to start his own Televangelist cult!)

"Extremely strong male energy but totally different from most men. Obviously!!" (italics & underlining his)

"I do NOT wish to control my Goddess. ... I am also wise enough to know that a surefire way to ruin a relationship with a fabulous woman is to attempt to control her. ... What I seek is an exquisite Love Dance in which my male role is to lead (as in ballroom dancing) and my Goddess's female role is to surrender in ecstasy." (again, all emphasis his)

And to close it out, at the bottom of the site is, well, I guess it's a "prayer", that includes this:

"May SHE, and may ALL her thoughts about me, and may EACH AND EVERY aspect of her interactions with me (including all electronic, software and database systems by which we communicate), be ABSOLUTELY PROTECTED from any intrusion or interference or obstruction whatsoever (directly or indirectly or through a "well meaning" person) by anyone or any "entity" or any thing that is opposed to God."

And the whole thing is copyrighted, so I might get sued for posting quotes.
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
brosb4hos
06/19/2009 - 9:45pm
For doing your damnedest to educate people stupid. Polyamory is just a rebranding of something I like to call, "having more than one sexual relationship at a time," a nice way of saying, "slutty."A rebranding of "slutty" doesn't really help your case. Now I have to say that I won't date or befriend "sluts" *or* "polys" because they're usually too much of a hassle to deal with.

Joreth
Just now!
Wonderful! That means I don't have to put up with your ignorant shit! Now why did you waste my time with this?

**UPDATE**
This asshat also just messaged a friend of mine on OKC, starting it out to sound like a compliment by going on and on about how beautiful she is, but mixing that up with how beautiful people are crazy and fucked up and ending with how mentioning polyamory makes "usually respectful people go squick".  He outright called her "disgusting".

I continue to fail at understanding why people spend their time messaging people they don't like to tell them only that they don't like them.  Now, however, thanks to my public journal entry, people are recognizing his name when he contacts them.

Fucking loser.
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
LeslieNielsen I read over your profile, but couldn't help but notice you've simultaneously stated you're not looking for someone monogomous, while eliminating 99.999999% of the human population from messaging you.

Uh, yeah.

Point 1: that statistic is completely pulled out of your ass. Since almost my entire circle of friends is polyamorous, and it's a very wide circle thanks to the extroverts in it, I haven't noticed a shortage of poly people to choose from.

Point 2: I am "not looking for someone monogamous", but I am also not actively looking in general. I joined OKC for the tests and I am interested in meeting interesting people for conversation and if some of them happen to develop into friendships or romantic relationships, that's great, but I'm not actively seeking any particular kind of relationship, so eliminating most people isn't like it's hampering a search for a mate.

Point 3: yes, I'm eliminating everyone who isn't compatible with me. I see no point in attempting to strike up relationships with people who want fundamentally different things from their relationships ... that isn't fair to either of us. Monogamous people *want* me to not pursue them because they do not want the kinds of relationships I offer. Isn't the goal of monogamous people to eliminate everyone on the planet except one person? What else are we doing by dating except weeding out people who aren't compatible so that we can focus on those who are? If I am interested only in polyamorous people, why would I waste my time with anyone who wasn't? Since I currently have 3 partners, it's not like I'm concerned about spending the rest of my time alone anyway.

I'm not sure what the problem is with eliminating the bulk of the population and filtering for people who are actually compatible with me. Are you suggesting that forcing myself to be romantically involved with people who will be unhappy with my romantic structure is a better strategy than being single and waiting for someone who is more compatible? Unlike many people, I am not afraid to be alone when the other option is to be with someone not compatible. And since I am polyamorous, I am rarely "alone" anyway.
joreth: (Super Tech)
[livejournal.com profile] tacit, this totally makes me think of you, and somewhat reminds me of the "pact" that [profile] the_no_lj_d came up with that included you as the mad scientist, I forget what his role was, and then me as the "outside contractor" (in your REAL Personality Types) to band together to take over the world and crush it beneath your iron fist.




"You can't foil a plan built upon an evil love!"
"We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff"


Courtesy of [profile] knighthorse 
joreth: (Rock Climbing)
I'm writing this mostly for my own archival purposes, but I'm leaving it public in case others want to know, along with the background of what brought it up, since it's amusing.

Here's a good explanation of some work-arounds for Twitter from [personal profile] zarfmouse on how to mashup Twitter with a bunch of other stuff. I'm writing about the ones I plan to use.

So, I'm on Twitter (as Joreth), even though I don't find it very useful but I do find it mildly entertaining. If Twitter ended tomorrow, I wouldn't be heartbroken, but it has some utility. What I get out of it the most is cool atheist quotes and I'm having a bit of fun participating in the RT fad of immediately re-posting something that someone else posted (called ReTweeting). I think what I like about it is related to what makes people send glurge and sappy forwards and really stupid jokes through email, but with LJ and Twitter, I can just post it more or less publicly without emailing someone, which I feel is somewhat intrusive. If someone wants to read what I pass on, they have to come to my page or they have to friend me, which indicates that they want to read what I post.

So I find it to be useful in that respect - indulging in my not-really-important shouting out to the world something interesting without feeling like I'm interrupting my friends.

I have friended a few people, but not all of my friends, and I've friended a couple of my skeptic heroes, like Richard Dawkins, Rebecca Watson, Phil Plait, and James Randi. Who I decide to friend depends primarily on how social I'm feeling at the exact moment they friend me. It has nothing at all to do with how I feel about that person specifically. Much like who gets friended on LJ :-)

One of the neat features of Twitter is that I can send tweets from my phone. This, again, indulges my "OMG something funny I have to tell someone RIGHT NOW but really isn't important or I'd actually call someone" desires. It's the stupid joke I just heard and would share with someone if someone were there, but since no one is, I'll probably just forget about it because it wasn't that big of a deal sort of thing. But I have a very limited text messaging plan, so I have the feature that sends other people's tweets to my phone turned off.

Here is where Twitter has pretty spectacularly failed, IMO. You can subscribe to any specific person and get ALL of their tweets. And that's it. I can't subscribe, on my phone, to a particular hashtag (like wanting to read everything that's tagged with "shouldbeobvious" regardless of who tweeted) and I can't receive on my phone only those tweets that are directed specifically at me like replies to something I've tweeted about (in tweet-speak, that's any tweet that has @Joreth somewhere in the text).

This is profoundly annoying. I discovered this when I posted something to Twitter from my phone and then realized that I couldn't see if anyone responded to that tweet until I got home to check my Twitter page. Unless I subscribed to all of my friends and got ALL of their tweets that day. This, of course, also leaves out anyone who is not currently in my friends list who happen to see my tweet and responded (this happens mostly when I put the #atheism tag at the end of one of my tweets and anyone who searches for #atheism will read it even if they're not currently following me).

So I'm either Twitter-blind when I'm not near a computer and I can send tweets out but can't receive any, or I'm bombarded with all tweets by whomever I subscribe to - and some of my friends are rather twitter-happy ... you know who you are! This would quickly send my SMS plan skyrocketing. And I *still* wouldn't get tweets from people I'm not subscribed to if they send a reply tweet (@Joreth) or if they attach a tag that I'm interested in following. So Twitter fails with cell phone messaging.

Another #fail of Twitter is that you can't have more than one Twitter account associated to a single phone number AND you can't have more than one phone number associated with a single Twitter account.

So this means that, when I set up the OrlandoPoly Twitter account to post last-minute information, like where we're going for dinner after the meeting, I can't send a tweet from my phone because it's already associated with my personal account. I have to log in to Twitter from a computer to send those tweets so that people who are attending *just* the social dinner can get that information in time to join us.

Fortunately, The Center, where we meet, has a computer lab, so this *shouldn't* be a problem most months. Except this month when the key wouldn't work and we had to move the meeting at the last minute to another location and I couldn't get in to use their computer lab.

I also couldn't add multiple phones to the OrlandPoly Twitter account if I wanted to distribute the responsibility among a panel of OP officers or administrators, if I wanted to.



Here's why this comes up now:

In the last couple of days, I've been having a go-round with some idiot who has the absolute hubris to name himself TrumpetofGod on Twitter. It started by pointing out his logical fallacy of claiming that atheists who reject god are therefore setting themselves up to be god. I couldn't resist notifying him that people who do not believe god exists at all can't therefore claim to be a god, because we would then cease to exist ourselves (or believe ourselves to not exist). He then proceeded to send nearly a dozen @replies full of gibberish. It was a major blue-fish-tuba moment. As in, I understand the definition of each of those words, but strung together in that order and the sentence has no meaning. One or two of them were understandable, if by "understandable", I mean that I did actually understand the meaning underlying the sentence but he was still speaking religious nonsense.

One of those sentences was: "Jesus answerd did you hear. He said U want to kill me because my Word (pure love) has no place in you. Ur heart is either for love r"

Our exchange has quickly gone downhill from there.

So I thought I'd add him to my Online Skeezballs tag here on LJ for everyone's enjoyment, but rather than copy/paste my tweets, then go to my @reply page and copy/paste his tweets, I decided to do a Google search to see how this whole auto-tweet-to-LJ thing worked and if I could filter or specify or do something to post just this exchange.

That brought me to this guy's LJ with his Mashup instructions.



TwitterMail SMS -> Twitter Feed

TwitterMail will give you a special secret email address. When you send an email to that address it'll get posted to your twitter. Unfortunately you will need to give TwitterMail your Twitter password which is not something I'd normally recommend (since TwitterMail is a third party), however your twitter is a public feed with very little sensitive information so the cost of being hacked by the owners of TwitterMail is very low.

Now if you store the special secret TwitterMail email address in your phone's contact list, you can quickly and easily send an SMS to that address and it'll go instantly to your twitter feed. This also bypasses the possibility that Twitter could in the future charge a premium rate for their built-in SMS service.

You can register the email address of your cell phone (e.g. 7735551212@tmomail.net) with TwitterMail so that when people @reply to your twitter messages that'll get SMS'ed back to your phone.



I tried this.  I was able to successfully post a test message to the OrlandoPoly Twitter account from my phone even though that phone is currently associated with my Joreth Twitter account.  But so far, receiving @replies isn't working.  I registered my cell phone email address with my Joreth account, then sent an @reply from the OrlandoPoly account at the website, but I haven't received that as an SMS yet, 2 hours ago by the time of this posting - I will update if it starts working

UPDATE from the Twittermail FAQs page: 
If a friend send you a post on twitter (by using @yourusername) we will send it to your emailaddress. You can enable/disable this in your settings.

We're checking your replies every 2 days, if you want an e-mail instantly when you receive a Twitter reply, then we have a special feature for Friends of Twittermail (this means that people who donate $15+ become "Friends of Twittermail and get replies instantly).

So apparently I won't get my @replies right away.  I'll wait 48 hours for an SMS and I'll post what happens here.  If I actually get an SMS with my @replies, then I might spend the $15 to get them instantly, because waiting 2 days defeats the purpose of having them sent to my phone - I could just check the website.



RSSFWD - Twitter Feed -> Cell Phone

If your phone doesn't work with Twitter's built in SMS service there will still be one piece of the puzzle missing. You want to get updates from certain friends sent directly to your cell phone so you can have up to the minute status updates.

First determine the email address of your phone.

Next determine the RSS Feed of the twitter feed you want to send to your cell phone.

Then just go to
RSSForward and enter the feed URL and submit. Use text only messages (there's a checkbox for this). When it asks you what email address to subscribe you should NOT use your cell phone's email address directly. Instead you should use your gmail account or some other account that lets you set up a custom filter.

Then in your email program (e.g. gmail) set up a filter so that messages from rssforward get forwarded to your cell phone. You could get arbitrarily clever with this and subscribe your email address to ALL your followed twitter feeds but only forward certain ones to your cell phone.

The reason for the filter-forward step is so you can easily use the "unsubscribe" link provided in each rssforward message.


Why the RSSForward feature is so neat, is that I can subscribe to the RSS feed for a hashtag and get all tweets that are tagged with something specific. For example, I just subscribed to the RSS feed for all tweets that have the hashtag #shouldbeobvious but nothing has shown up yet (including the test tweet I sent 30 minutes prior to this posting).  If that changes, I'll update this.

UPDATE: I finally received an email/text with the hashtag #shouldbeobvious.  3 days later.  I had actually forgotten which hashtag I was supposed to be looking for.  Since the hashtag I chose has such little activity, I don't know if this will be a recurring flaw in the process or it just took that long to set up.  I'm betting a recurring flaw, like the @reply service above. 

But I'll keep it set up for a while and see how long it takes between hashtag postings and receiving a text.



So, if the RSSForward thing actually sends tweets of specific hashtags to my cell phone, that'd be awesome!  And if Twittermail actually sends @replies to my cell phone, that'd be awesome!  But if not, at least I found a way to send tweets from my cell phone to multiple Twitter accounts.

And if ya'll want to read something that makes your brain hurt, check out TrumpetofGod's Twitter.
joreth: (Silent Bob Headbang)
... when you add science geekiness, hot pink cheesiness, and roller derby? Probably a lot more engineers if science were taught like this more often!

joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
OMG did you know that millions of people are NOT DYING from vaccines every day!

Srsly!  And, like, most of them don't even experience the side effects that the vaccine companies WARN YOU ABOUT!

It's scary!  I mean, like these scientists are all like messing around with viruses and stuff and looking at them and analyzing them and cutting them up and rearranging them and doing spooky things with them!  They totally take them apart and then build these chemicals that trick your body into thinking it has the virus when it really doesn't so that your body makes its own ANTIBODIES against the viruses.

They actually put these chemical mixtures into your body at FRACTIONS of the potency of the REAL VIRUS!  And your body BELIEVES it and starts producing ANTIBODIES!!!!!  They're, like, building this microsopic army INSIDE you, using YOUR OWN IMMUNE SYSTEM!

And some people even have REACTIONS to them!  Really, I'm not making this up guys, they even ADMIT it!

It's totally freaky what science is up to these days.  I just had the Hepatitus B vaccine and I was told to expect soreness around the injection site and maybe even a light fever!  Then, they even said, right to my face, that I should call them if I got a fever over 99 degrees or if I was vomiting!  How scary is that!  I'm totally going to avoid dying of a virus that causes painful and prolonged liver failure, but I might get a fever instead!  That's just whacked!

What's even more crazy, tho, is that I'm totally not sick or sore or anything!  And that happens to thousands of people ALL THE TIME!

Dude, science is scary and has just manipulated my body into being all defensive and stuff against a deadly virus.  That's totally wierd!
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
Here's a quirky little site I just found through her YouTube channel, which I found through the #atheism hashtag on Twitter. Some of it is entertaining, some of it wasn't, but here are some of my favorite items in her store:

4 out of 5 Baptist Divorcees
4 out of 5 Baptist Divorcees
wish that gays would stop undermining marriage


Mommy, tell the the part again

Mommy, tell the the part again
where Jesus says I am a disgusting sinner who deserves to be tortured in Hell!


Here's The Deal

Here's The Deal
you don't tell me about your personal savior, I don't tell you about my personal yeast infection

GODLESS

That's Enough About Jesus Already
That's Enough About Jesus Already

Killing Folks Who Aren't Inside You
Being Pro-Life doesn't have to spoil the fun of killing folks who aren't inside of you!

GOP "Right to Life"
GOP "Right to Life"

My Catholic Priest is Dating Your Son
My Catholic Priest is Dating Your Son


Thomas Jefferson Quotation

Thomas Jefferson Quotation
"I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature"
joreth: (Dobert Demons of Stupidity)
 Awesome Atheist Bus Sign:


joreth: (Silent Bob Headbang)


If you haven't friended [livejournal.com profile] tacit  yet, I recommed everyone on my f'list go and do that now.  That way you won't miss out on such gems as today's Unicorn Hunting Flow Chart:



 

If I wasn't already head over heels for this man, this would do it.  Fortunately, there are about a billion other reasons that preceed this.

joreth: (Nude Drawing)
Going through the "security" line at Disney's Animal Kingdom, the security guy noticed my pocket knife clipped to my pocket (visible to avoid any possible charges of "concealed weapon") and said I couldn't bring it in the park. That part was fine, I put it back in the car and only had it with me because I forgot to leave it at home, but the knife just happens to sit very close to the keyring that I wear on my belt.

Which happens to have a set of handcuff keys on it.

Which the real cop standing nearby happened to notice.

So I leave to put the knife back in the car and someone calls after me "are you a cop?", which I didn't hear. [livejournal.com profile] sterlingsilver9 did and yelled back "no, she's not" as I continued walking.

I drop off the knife in the car and return to the line. The security guy goes through my camera bag a second time and we proceed, only to be stopped by the cop before I completely clear the gate:

Cop: Is that a handcuff key you're carrying?
Me: Yes.
Cop: Are you a cop?
Me: No.
Cop: Are you a cast member?
Me: No.
Cop: Are you with security?
Me: No.
Cop: Then why do you have a set of handcuff keys?
Me: (brief pause) Because I use handcuffs during sex and I keep the keys with me for safety reasons.
Cop: (blank expression & brief pause) Well, we don't want any trouble in the park.
Me: Ok.

His actual parting shot was a bit more mumbling and unfinished sentences, interspersed with [livejournal.com profile] sterlingsilver9's assurances that we fully supported the park's efforts for a safe environment, but that's a little hard for me to write out.

Basically, we came away from the encounter under the impression that the cop could think of only 2 reasons to have handcuff keys: 1) law enforcement and 2) escape from law enforcement.

Since I was not #1, I must therefore be #2 and he just couldn't wrap his brain around a third option, which was 3) None of the above. In his world, it appears as though there are two types of people, those who cause trouble and those who take care of trouble. His attitude towards me and his reaction implied that he believed I was there to cause trouble. That's why I finally went for the absolute bald truth for shock value, to try and make it sink into his head that there are other options.

The moral of the story is: Becareful of what questions you ask. Make sure you really want to know the answer.

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