Aug. 14th, 2017 10:27 am[personal profile] polydad
Okay, it’s quarter to 5am, and I’ve wasted an hour playing idiot games, and a lot of good is going on, and I need to be better focused to respond to it appropriately.

My primary and ongoing problem has been social aversion. Right now I have 3 potential new recruits – Michael, David, and Autumn – and the upside from each of them is substantial. Glorying in that upside and figuring out how to cause it to occur is good and useful, and I should get to that. Longer-term, I need to figure out and execute a systemic approach for dealing with the social aversion. I met Michael through JwJ, Autumn through CSB, and David through a lot of mutual groups. Going to groups is obviously good, and going to more and a larger assortment of groups would be better. But just *going* is insufficient.

At both JwJ and CSB, I’ve been there several years and put in substantial effort, and the payoff of meeting these people has no obvious and direct correlation with what I’ve been doing. And if I fish for unobvious indirect correlations, I can correlate anything with anything else. Building new imagination filters is not on this morning’s agenda.

And now it’s 10:16am, and I’ve gotten the morning medical routine done and the airing-out tent in the driveway folded and put away, and not much else. I think this is at least in part due to the emotional consequences of the antibiotics – one of the side effects of Keflex is that it kills off beneficial intestinal flora, and it’s hard to concentrate on other things when one has to pay such attention to “when is the next time I need to sprint to the bathroom?” I call this an “emotional” consequence because that’s what it feels like – it’s not simply the physical discomfort of constant belly-rumbles, but a feeling of apprehension. At least it’s working; the infection on my leg isn’t *gone*, but it is much reduced. And I take my last Keflex tomorrow morning.

I’ve invited Autumn to the Gearcon meeting tonight, and suggested to David that we meet Wednesday morning for coffee. I’ve been a bit too enthusiastic towards Michael, and have sent him a short email apologizing for that and asking him to contact me when he’s ready. And I guess I’m spending the rest of the morning listening to my belly.
So I've now been stood up 3 times in 3 days, which is getting annoying. I don't *think* it's me or something I'm doing, and I don't want to put it down to "culture", but I'm running out of explanations.

Today's kinda stung; had had high hopes for it, and he's not rescheduling. And again, don't know why.

For some time now I've been trying to imagine what it would be like to have a conversation with an octopus. (I'm going to check out giant squid also; not sure that works.) This today led to an imagining of four sapient nonhuman terrestrials discussing problems with humans; the speakers were a cephalopod, a cetacean, an elephant, and I'm not remembering the fourth, my imagination substituting an Orang instead.


July 2017

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