My point here, Alan, is that there IS a good way to breakup with someone, and it DOESN'T include a POST-IT!
~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex And The City
Brian Smelt: (paraphrasing) I'm sorry, I have to cancel our 3-day vacation together that starts tomorrow. My grandfather died and I'm leaving right now for St. Pete to be with the family.
Me: Oh no! I'm sorry, I know how much he meant to you. Is there anything I can do?
Brian Smelt: (paraphrasing) No, I don't know how long I'll be there or when I'm coming back home, but I'll call you when I get there so you know I arrived safely
Me: Thank you. I'm really sorry. Call or text me anytime for any reason. I'll be here if you need me. And let me know when you know what the plan is so I can reschedule our trip.
Brian Smelt: (quoting) OK baby, I love you. I miss you and I can't wait to see you again. Goodbye.
***2 weeks pass***
Yes, you read that right, 14 fucking days go by without a single phone call, text message, IM, or email of any sort. The last thing I heard from him was "I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait to see you again". The only way I knew he wasn't hit by a bus on the way to St. Pete was because I saw his fucking login stamp on his OKC and his MySpace page several days later.
Normally I don't play the "he said, she said" game online. I prefer not to drag my exes through the public mud in the sort of catfighting that happens in LJ. But then again, most of the time my exes are decent people who just happen to not be compatible with me. In this case, however, he deserves the rank of Online Skeezball for his asshatery. And, once again, I have only myself to blame as I approached him online first. We had not been dating very long at all, and the distance made our in-person dates only about a handful of times. But he had already said he loved me and things seemed to be going perfectly. He said all the right things and was exactly what I was hoping for.
Then, with no warning, he disappears.
After 2 weeks, I finally drive the 3 hours north to his house to wait for him and find out what happened. Long story short, he gave me plausible, although unsatisfactory, excuses about his phone getting turned off, his satellite internet dish getting blown away in a storm, etc. I'm pissed at him for disappearing, he's pissed at me for something I said online ... when he finally checked his email. I left there with an answer, incomplete though it may have been, and a promise to contact me in 1-2 days with an answer about whether or not to continue the relationship and a promise to return my email if I haven't heard from him by then and I want to prod him to find out what's up.
I gave him 4 days. He never returned my email. I sent him one final email telling him he's an asshole for not breaking up with me properly.
Seriously, do I have a sign over my head that says "Assholes Wanted, Apply Within" or something?
**EDIT** This guy also made it very clear that he had no interest in a casual relationship and proclaimed many times he felt "seriously" about me. He went to great lengths to assure me, even when I wasn't asking for it, that this was something long-term and "real". I actually thought it was kinda early to be making those kinds of statements, but I felt that the things he claimed to want and the person he claimed to be were very much in alignment with what I wanted in a partner.
His lack of contact was very out of character for the person I thought he was. He habitually called and texted me several times a day, to the point that my phone bill was nearly 3x my usual amount that month. He actually freaked out when it took me 2 hours to respond to a text from him once. Regular and instant contact was the norm here ... until his little disappearing act.
When he did disappear, I did give him a few days before I started to freak out. After all, I knew his grandfather had just died and things were likely chaotic. But when I saw the login timestamp on his profiles several times and no responses to my emails at all, that was just unacceptable. He had time to check his MySpace but not to email me with "sorry, things are fucked up, I'll call you in a couple of weeks"? There was absolutely no one with a cell phone he could borrow to call me and say "quit emailing me, I'm breaking up with you"?